#i want to see more nurse rowan

[leiawritesstories]

Impossible

Rowaelin Month 2024, Day 13: Finding Out They're Pregnant @rowaelinscourt

Word count: 2.8k

Warnings: medical talk, hospitals, mentions of infertility, vague depictions of medical tests

A/N: this is a little bit self-indulgent but also therapeutic--i had surgery for endometriosis this past summer, and part of recovering from that was how tf do i process all the implications of this diagnosis??? well...writing helps. anyway. Aelin has endo in this fic, but things go very different for her than they did for me lol.

Enjoy :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was still dark outside when Aelin’s alarm went off, the cheery tune she’d chosen breaking through her restless scraps of dreaming. With a mild groan, she rolled over and tapped the screen of her phone multiple times before she managed to turn off the alarm, eliciting a sleepy chuckle from her husband behind her. She poked him in the shoulder and stuffed her pillow over her head. 

“Five more minutes,” she mumbled. “Got another alarm.” 

Rowan tugged the pillow off of her head and fluffed it up. “Mmmkay, go back to sleep, love.” He tugged her back against his side, and she closed her eyes. 

And her alarm went off five minutes later. She grumbled at it, but she carefully extricated herself from Rowan’s embrace, turned off her alarm, and pushed herself out of bed. Leaving a kiss on his forehead, she tucked the blankets up and went quietly into the bathroom. A clean set of clothes already sat on the shelf beside the shower, and she smiled softly at her husband’s quiet thoughtfulness. She went through the motions of the shower rhythmically, her body working on muscle memory due to the too-early hour, making sure to scrub extra well with the antibacterial soap. Finished, she dried off and put on the clean, comfortable clothes Rowan had set out—sweatpants and a loose shirt. 

He was awake and half-dressed when she emerged from the bathroom, and his glasses sat crooked on his nose. She chuckled softly and straightened the wire frames, and he caught her wrists and tugged her gently into his lap. “Hey.” Fingers threaded through her loose, damp hair. “Want braids?” 

“Yeah.” She passed him her brush and two hair ties, and he carefully wove the blonde waves into twin braids down past her shoulder blades. “Someday, our future daughter is going to only want you to do her hair for school.” 

“Biggest win ever.” His voice, like hers, held a touch of muted yearning, weighed down by the hopelessness of two years trying to conceive without success. Aelin had been diagnosed with stage 3 endometriosis in her last year of college, while they were engaged, and she had put off surgery until her doctor finally said that the excision procedure was the best thing she could do for her chance of having a family. 

“I’m nervous,” she admitted. “I know Dr. T said this is the best thing for us right now, but I…I almost don’t want to hope.” 

“Fireheart,” Rowan breathed, standing so he could wrap his wife in his embrace. “It’s going to be okay, my love. I have more than enough hope for both of us.” 

“I love you,” she whispered. 

She held his hand the whole way to the hospital. 

When they arrived, the receptionist waved them towards the procedure center waiting area, and they sat down and waited in the early-morning quiet. Only a few others were there, including an older couple, a middle-aged woman, a half-asleep man, and a woman about Aelin’s age sitting with her mother. 

“Galathynius?” Aelin stood up and went to the desk, and she gave the receptionist her information. It only took a few minutes, and soon she was back in her seat with a green hospital bracelet around her right wrist and a clipboard with some papers on it. She handed Rowan the slip of paper with her patient information and went to work on the few forms. It was only a short while before a nurse with a softly lined face walked into the waiting area and called for Aelin, and she squeezed Rowan’s hand as she stood up. 

“I’ll see you soon,” she promised, and she followed the nurse through the double doors into the pre-procedure area. They walked down a quiet, gray-tiled hallway, the faint scent of disinfectant lingering in the sterile air. 

The nurse—her nametag read Philippa—stopped by a restroom door. “First question, Aelin.” She held out a clear plastic cup. “Did you remember to come with a full bladder?” 

“I did.” Aelin smiled. “Almost like I’ve had practice with this kind of thing.” 

Philippa chuckled. “Okay then, I don’t need to give you instructions. Go ahead, and when you’re done, I’ll be at the desk over there.” She gestured. “Take your time.” 

Aelin went into the bathroom and closed the door. Pregnancy screening was required as part of the pre-procedure preparations, and it was almost too familiar, almost too easy, to take care of the urine sample and close up the plastic cup. So many tests flickered before her eyes, so many single lines, so many negative results. The only thing that gave her any hope was that Dr. Yrene was firmly convinced that this surgery would improve her chances of conceiving, since the endometriosis lesions would no longer be there to interfere with things. She handed Philippa the cup and followed her down to a small, clean room, where a hospital gown, cap, and socks sat on the bed beside a plastic sack and a sleeve of chlorhexidine wipes. 

“You know what to do, I’m sure, but I still have to give you the rundown.” Philippa let Aelin take a seat in the chair across from the bed and wrapped a blood pressure cuff around her right arm. “Wash with the wipes and change into the gown, blah blah blah, and your nurse will come in to get you all hooked up and ready to go.” She checked the blood pressure reading and jotted it down. “Oh, and if there’s anything else we need you to do, your nurse will let you know. Looks like you’ll have Sorscha, and she’s wonderful.” 

“Thank you,” Aelin murmured, giving the older woman a grateful smile as she left the room and closed the door. She had just finished getting herself into the gown and bright yellow socks when there was a rapping on the door and a woman of about her own age with soft caramel skin and a warm smile cracked open the door and poked her head into the room. 

“Aelin, right?” 

“That’s me.” Aelin sat down against the pillows. “Right on time.” 

“I’m Sorscha.” The nurse came into the room. “I’m sorry to disturb you before you might be ready, but your pregnancy screening came back positive.” 

The world around Aelin went silent. 

She shook her head slowly, bringing herself back into the present. “I…what?” Her breath hitched, shock creeping up her throat, and she clasped her hands together in front of her stomach. “It has to be a false positive; there’s not a chance I’m actually…” Pregnant. The word she couldn’t let herself say. 

Sorscha looked down at her clipboard, flipped a few papers. “Would you like to take a digital test by yourself? It could be a false positive, and we do need to be absolutely sure of the result because you’re scheduled to go under general anesthesia.” 

Aelin nodded. “Yes, please. I do want to take another test.” 

“Got it.” Sorscha walked her back to the bathroom and grabbed a digital test from the nurse’s station. She handed the box to Aelin and let her go into the bathroom alone. “Bring it on out when you’re done, okay? There is a possibility that we might have to do an ultrasound if you think you’ve had a false positive, but that’s easy to do.” She squeezed Aelin’s trembling hand. “You’re going to be okay, Aelin.” 

“Okay.” More hesitantly than before, Aelin went into the bathroom, locked the door, sat down, and took the pregnancy test out of the box. She went through the motions robotically, tucked the test back into the cap, and turned it over while she waited. Questions spun around her head at the speed of light, but she pushed them away, weighing them down with the strength of her doubt. She knew her ovulation window, and she’d had her period regularly. It just…it wasn’t possible. 

The timer pinged, and Aelin picked up the test, turned it over, and read the single line of text displayed on the tiny gray screen. And her whole body trembled, shaken by the force of hope that crashed into her as she read that second test. 

Pregnant. 3+. 

Shakily, she walked out and wordlessly handed the test to Sorscha, who took one look at it and helped Aelin sit down in the nearest chair. “You’re going to be okay,” she said again, reassuring Aelin as the tears finally broke free and spilled down her face. 

“I—” A great shuddering sob wrenched Aelin’s shoulders, and she just let her body loose to the tide of overpowering shock and disbelief and wonder and worry. “I think I’m dreaming,” she choked out, her words broken with tears. “It’s been two years; I didn’t think it was possible.” She wiped her eyes. “God, I’m sorry, here you are just trying to do your job and I’ve turned into a hot mess express in front of everyone.” She sniffled. 

Sorscha gave her a hug, and Aelin leaned into the comforting gesture. “How about we go back to your pre-op room and talk about next steps?” 

“Okay.” Aelin followed Sorscha back to the room, and she sat down on the bed while the nurse pulled up her charts on the computer. “So…what now?” 

“Well, the main thing is that you won’t be able to have the surgery that you were scheduled for, but that’s a very good thing because you’re pregnant.” Sorscha clicked through a few things. “I’ve paged your doctor, and she should be in soon to discuss what she wants you to do, but my suspicion is that she’ll order an immediate ultrasound to check on things and maybe have you do some blood tests. It’s convenient that you’re in the hospital, because you don’t have to go anywhere.” 

Aelin laughed softly, flicking stray tears away from her face. “Okay.” 

Right on cue, there was another knock on the door, and Dr. Yrene Towers came in, her copper curls tied back into a bun. “Well hello, Aelin! Seems like today might not go exactly as we planned.” 

“That’s one way to say it,” Aelin agreed. 

The doctor looked over at the charts that Sorscha had pulled up. “Okay, Aelin, I’d like for you to go up to the imaging clinic and get an ultrasound done.” She stepped over to the computer and rapidly typed up an order that she sent to the imaging center. “Since a surgeon ordered it, they’ll be able to do it right away, and this will either confirm your pregnancy for certain or prove that you had false positives. In the first case, we’ll turn to prenatal care, and in the second, we can go ahead with surgery. How does that sound?” 

“Sounds great.” Aelin glanced down at herself. “Should I change?” 

“Actually, it might be easier if you kept the gown on for now, since they’ll probably want to do an internal ultrasound.” Dr. Yrene looked over at Sorscha. “Can you take her to imaging, Sorscha?” 

“Of course.” 

“Perfect.” 

Sorscha slipped out of the room and came back a few minutes later with a wheelchair, and she got Aelin settled and took her down the hallways and up an elevator to the fourth floor, where the imaging clinic was located. She spoke briefly to the receptionist and took Aelin into the clinic, bringing her into a softly-lit room. An ultrasound tech was waiting, Aelin’s order pulled up on her screen. She conferred briefly with Sorscha and helped Aelin get situated on the exam bed. 

After a brief explanation and demonstration of the ultrasound probe, the tech started the scan, and it was only a few minutes before Aelin looked over at the screen opposite her and saw a teeny tiny baby moving gently around inside of her uterus. 

The tears welled up again, and she didn’t stop them. 

“Congratulations,” the tech murmured, and she clicked away at the ultrasound machine, making notes and recording measurements. Aelin stared at the image of the tiny baby, overcome by an emotion so strong she didn’t have the proper words for it, and she was surprised when the tech finished the exam and asked her if she wanted prints of the images. 

Sorscha came back and took Aelin back down to the pre-procedure area, and she found herself back in the exam room with her ultrasounds, waiting for Yrene. The doctor brought in her own set of Aelin’s ultrasounds, and she was beaming when she came into the room. 

“I’m so happy for you and your husband,” she said. “He doesn’t know yet, of course, but when we bring him back, you’ll be able to tell him all about it. Did you want to wait for him to discuss prenatal care, or would you like to talk about the details with me first?” 

“Tell me first.” Aelin stroked her thumb over the black-and-white images. “I want to know how far I am and why the heck I didn’t know.” 

Yrene chuckled. “Well, according to the way things are measuring and the dates you’ve tracked for ovulation, you are twelve and a half weeks, almost out of the first trimester.” She pointed to part of one image. “Now, the reason you didn’t know is probably partially due to your endometriosis giving you false periods and partially because, as you see here, you have an anterior placenta, which means that the placenta is in the front of the uterus. So, you might not show any bump until later in pregnancy, and it will probably not be quite as big as you might expect.” She ran through a list of more details, pointing out relevant things on the ultrasounds. “All right, then, I think we’re ready to bring your husband back. Is there anything else you want to ask me?” 

“Could you have them do the blood draw before you bring Rowan back? I want to have it all taken care of before he sees me.” 

“Of course.” Yrene spoke quietly to Sorscha, and when the blood draw was done and Aelin had a small bandage in the crook of her elbow, both the nurse and the doctor left the room. It was Yrene who walked in shortly later with Rowan, and she grinned at Aelin as she left the two of them alone. 

“Hey, Fireheart.” Rowan’s brows furrowed in confusion as he looked around the room. “Is something wrong?” 

She shook her head. “Not at all.” 

“But you’re…” 

“I know.” She looked down at herself, still in the hospital gown but not hooked up to IVs and monitors like he’d expected her to be. “They can’t do the surgery right now, Rowan.” Her throat thickened, and she looked up at her husband with tears gleaming in her eyes. “Because I’m pregnant.” 

“What?!” He staggered backwards, his body going nearly boneless as he collapsed into the chair, shock and hope washing over his face. 

Aelin handed him the ultrasound photos, watched the joy brighten his features as he drank in the sight of their tiny baby cradled inside of her. “Twelve and a half weeks, and I didn’t believe the tests until I saw the ultrasound.”

“Fireheart,” he breathed, standing so he could go to her and wrap her in his loving arms. His tears dropped into her hair, but she ignored them, just as he ignored how her tears blotched his shirt. “This…I think this is the best thing that could have happened.” 

She chuckled through her tears. “Almost—I can’t have the surgery until after I give birth, but this is…definitely something we both hoped for.” 

“Yeah.” So gently, his thumb swept the tears from her cheeks. “And twelve weeks?”

“Yeah.” Grinning, she lifted his slack jaw back into place. “Dr. Yrene will talk to both of us about where we go from here.” He nodded, and she let him sit down on the bed beside her and loop his arm around her waist, his strength always her rock. The doctor walked back in and beamed at both of them, and she sat down and gave them a whole list of prenatal instructions. 

“But really, most of all, you know what works best for you and your health,” she concluded. “I like to tell my patients not to get too obsessed with the mommy books and social media mom advice, but gods know I can’t control that. I’ll see you in a few weeks, okay?” 

“Thank you so much.” Aelin impulsively hugged her doctor. After Yrene left, she turned back to Rowan, and she brushed the stray tears off of his chin. “It’s good news, love. It’s such good news.” 

“I know.” He passed her clothes to her, and she changed out of the hospital gown. A nurse came back to walk them out of the hospital, and they left with a completely different set of instructions than they’d expected when they arrived only a couple of hours earlier. 

 An entirely different outcome, but a miracle nonetheless.

~~~

TAGS:

@live-the-fangirl-life

@superspiritfestival

@thegreyj

@wordsafterhours

@elentiyawhitethorn

@mariaofdoranelle

@rowanaelinn

@house-of-galathynius

@tomtenadia

@julemmaes

@swankii-art-teacher

@charlizeed

@booknerdproblems

@earthtolinds

@goddess-aelin

@sweet-but-stormy

@clea-nightingale

@autumnbabylon

@llyncooljones

@silentquartz

@renxzs

@anarchiii

@fauna-flora11

@cynthiesjmxazrielslover

[paisholotus]

A Love Curse?

Ch.4

Wednesday's Pov

My sister and I sat in the nurses office getting patched up. I felt nothing but burning anger in my chest. Us losing is never an occurrence that happens often, because it never ever happens.

That girl licked the blood off my cheek causing me to shock her. They would think I'm angry because I lost that's not necessarily the case. I'm angry because my family's love curse has finally caught up to me. I do not wish to have the love my parents have. It's sickening and torture. And, not the good kind of torture.

Deep in my soul I hate to admit it but the feeling i felt when I shocked her, the look of confusion in her eyes. I long to look into her eyes again. Her beautiful brown eyes and her smooth dark brown skin that glisten in the sun. I.....wanted to see her again.

I internally scowled at myself and grunted as I looked at Winda who had her usual expressionless look on her face, but I could see she knew what was happening and that made me more angry. I didn't need to hear her endless taunting.

"You're Wednesday and Winda, right?" The boy we knew as Rowan asked us.

We glanced at him as we realized he was sitting a few feet away with the nurse fixing him up. Winda and I quickly got off the chairs and stood up.

He sticked out his hand to introduce himself to us, "I know how you both feel." Winda stood by the entrance waiting for me, I looked back at Rowan holding my helmet.

"I guarantee you don't." I said, coldly.

Winda and I walked out of the nurses office but I was stopped dead in my tracks when she stood right in front of me. Along with a girl and another boy that happens to be my roommate. I suppose they were her siblings.

"Well, if it isn't my Cobra and his sister." She said, making me stiffen. She looked at Winda and smirked lowly, "it's a pleasure to meet you Winda. My sister tells me you are her roommate." She said.

Winda looked at her sister with lightness in her eyes. "Hello, again, Celeste. I see you've taken a break from that putrid colored fur ball that seems to torment us every chance she gets."

The girl that I know now as Celeste laughed and shook her head. "Enid, can be a hand full. But, she's a good friend." She looks Winda up and down and smirks herself, "and who doesn't like a little torment?" She mumbled.

For the first time in my life I think I saw my sister all most smile, but quickly turned back to stoic. She still held lightness in her eyes as she looked at Celeste.

"Well, my Cobra." I turned my attention back to Celani. My cold dead heart beating a little faster as she called me Cobra again, but emphasis on "MY" just like the first time.

"I'll, have to see you again later." She leaned over and kissed my cheek again making me suck in my breath as I shocked her again. She leaned back and smirked at me, as if she knew why I shocked her.

"Come along brother. We'll be late for class." Winda said, as i followed behind her. I could feel her gaze still on me as we walked away, her touch burned into my skin.

And......I loved it. No.......I desired it.

[tomtenadia]

Detours to You - 27

Here I am with a new chapter... hope you like it. We are almost at the end. :)

Rowan was running late and he hated it. He had been out on a firehouse visit and the inspection had lasted longer than he wanted and now he was rushing towards the bookshop, excitement bubbling through him. Aelin had a doctor’s appointment and they were hoping to finally discover the gender of the baby. They had tried at the previous visit but their child had decided to be cheeky and not reveal themselves. Before leaving the firehouse he had texted Aelin to let her know he was on his way. And while he was giddy at experiencing all that he had missed during Aelin’s first pregnancy  Maya had become fascinated by the idea of having a sibling and she had been also inquisitive about her growing belly so Rowan had done some research to find a suitable book to explain to a toddler what was happening. It was followed by a lot of interesting evening with some really challenging questions. 

Finally getting rid of his pickup he walked quickly to the shop. Inside he was met by Lys and Elide who were at the counter discussing something.

“Good morning, Chief.” They told him as he entered “Aelin is in the back office.”

“So, are you excited?”

Rowan nodded. He was happy about the pregnancy but now he was really looking forward to know more about their baby. He had been fussing more than usual but he had a great help in Maya who was happy to help her mum too. Some evening they would sit on the sofa and Rowan would read stories and Maya would place her head on her mum’s lap to be close to the baby. He was looking forward to feel them kick. Rowan wanted to experience so badly all the little things that he had missed with Maya.

“Yes.” He replied “I just wish she would take it a bit slower. She is always so tired.”

Elide sighed “We try. But you know how she is.”

He nodded. Yes, the few times he had suggested her to stay at home she almost strangled him and called him a fussy buzzard. 

“You do know she is going to drop the baby in the middle of this bookstore, right?”

Rowan groaned. He had already enlisted the parents to help him in his mission to convince Aelin to take it slow. 

“I know..”

In that instant Aelin appeared and went for a kiss “Don’t, I was in the office sitting down.”

Rowan groaned and then gently brushed her small bump “are you both ready to go?”

Aelin nodded and waved at the two women and they left the shop.

In the car Aelin strapped in “I am so excited.” She brushed her tummy “I hope peanut will behave today.”

He leaned forward and kissed her “you make me happy.” He confessed.

“Peanut, you need to know that your dad is a mushy old man.”

Rowan roared with laughter and set the car in motion “don’t listen to your mum, little one.”

At the hospital they went straight for the maternity ward and checked in with the nurses and sat waiting for their doctor.

“Aelin, Rowan, come in.”

After the usual chat, doctor Hafiza invited Aelin to lay down on the bed and Rowan took position at her side, her hand in his in anticipation.

Doctor Hafiza moved the ultrasound machine closer and stood beside the bed.

“You know the drill,” she joked, and Aelin lifted her shirt to allow the doctor to place the gel on her belly.

“Now, let’s see if your baby today decides to reveal themselves to us.”

Rowan kissed Aelin’s hand and gasped at the image on the screen. It did not matter that he had seen it before, the grainy picture of his child still moved something in him. 

“Come on, little one, move for me.” Doctor Hafiza shifted the wand until a big smile spread on her face “so what do we think?”

“A girl,” added Aelin quickly.

“I am happy with either.”

The doctor moved the wand a bit more until a huge grin spread on her face and with his finger she pointed at the screen “what about a wee boy?”

Rowan and Aelin stared at each other and he kissed her and Aelin nodded excited.

“Is he okay?”

The doctor was silent for a moment “yes, all the measurements are perfectly within range, he is growing up nicely.”

Rowan brushed Aelin’s hair “we are having a boy,” his voice soft and already in love with the life growing inside Aelin,

“Is Aelin okay too?”

The woman in question rolled her eyes “he is fussing. If it were for him he’d lock me up in a cocoon until the baby comes out.”

The doctor laughed “she is fine and I will schedule regular check ups. You are well over thirty and although not risky yet, I just want to make some extra checks.” she explained “I would recommend taking it easy. Let him do the heavy lifting.”

Rowan beamed but their doctor stopped him “movement is not all bad. Work will be fine until she manages, and I recommends walks and there’s also pregnancy yoga. Just be mindful of which poses you do.”

“Oh yes, I used to do that when I was pregnant with Maya.”

“I had a c-section before, will I be able to have a natural birth?”

Aelin felt Rowan’s hand tense in hers.

The doctor nodded “we will monitor your pregnancy carefully, but there’s usually no risk if both mum and baby are healthy.”

“But there are risks?”

“Rowan, childbirth itself is always a risky business. But I am good at my job.”

Aelin looked up at him and she knew he was already in crazy fussy mode.

“Let’s just hope the little one behaves better than his sister and waits for his correct time and decides to come out as nature intended to.”

The doctor chuckled “Maya was a hellion from the start.”

Aelin and her doctor seemed to share a joke they only knew about and Rowan stood there in silence. A part of him, reminding him that he had not been there the first time and the dull ache of what he had missed came back. He sighed, pushing back all the negative thoughts. He and Aelin were on track, they had a family and they were looking forward. It was time for him to stop dwelling on what had happened.

Aelin patted his hand “he is a worrywart and I am sure he is already thinking about all he could do to protect us.” She kissed his hand looking up at him and mouthing an I love you.

“Guess it’s the first responder in him.”

The doctor cleaned up Aelin’s belly and she finally sat up “I will book your next appointment, but if you have any issues just call the ward and I will try and squeeze you in.”

Outside of the room Aelin turned to Rowan and threw her arms around his neck “we are having a boy.”

He bowed his head and met her lips for a sweet kiss “wonder how Maya will take it.”

Aelin smiled against his lips “that little hellion of ours will be delighted.”

Rowan quickly looked at his watch “is it okay if I take you back to the bookstore? I have a meeting coming up soon and another firehouse visit.”

“Of course.”

“Sorry,” a kiss “I have a captain who is in an acting role because an investigation and I have to check a few things.”

Aelin caressed his face “go, Lys and Elide will look after me.”

“I will come and pick you up after work, then we are getting Maya from your parents and we’ll celebrate tonight.”

“Adult fun?”

“Menace.”

*

Rowan afternoon had been crazy. After his meeting he had run to the fire station and when he was on his way back the radio became alive so he did a u-turn and drove to the accident. By the time everything was resolved it was far too late for his taste. He had quickly called Aelin while driving and told her he might not be able to meet her to go and pick up Maya. He hated it, but that was his job. On his way home he had stopped at Emrys and bough Aelin’s favourite chocolate cake to apologise.

He drove uphill to the house and relaxed. He just wanted to sit on the sofa with his two women and have a quiet evening.

“Ae, I am home.” He called while toeing off his shoes.

Maya appeared instead “hi dada!”

In a swift motion he picked her up “hi munchkin, where’s mum?”

“She just went to the toilet.”

He kissed his daughter “sorry I could not come and pick you up.”

“Mama said you were helping with a fire.”

“I was.”

A moment later Aelin appeared and he quickly scanned her to make sure all was okay.

“Is that chocolate cake you have in your hands?”

Rowan scoffed and looked at his daughter still in his arms “she loves chocolate more than me.”

Maya hugged his neck “it’s okay dad, I love you.”

Aelin moved closer “peanut and I love you madly,” she added leaning against his arms “but you must know by now that I would gladly cheat on you with a cake from Emrys.”

He laughed and put Maya on the ground while passing the cake to Aelin “I need a shower then I will make dinner.” He then turned to Maya “make sure mama does not eat the chocolate cake while I am away.”

The girl grinned and Rowan disappeared upstairs.

By the time he was back all refreshed both Aelin and Maya were in the living room “Dada, I kept mama away.” She told him proudly.

Rowan  smacked a kiss on her cheek “well done, baby.”

Aelin crossed her arms at her chest “yes, the little traitor,” she joked “you carry them for nine months and then they side with the father.”

Rowan sat at Aelin’s side and pulled her to him and kissed her “I am just looking after your sugar intake.”

She grumbled and Rowan caressed her belly “did you tell Maya?”

“I was waiting for you.”

Rowan nodded and called the girl who crawled happily with her elf toy in tow.

He lifted her up and sat her in between them “Maya, your mum and I today went to the doctor and we discovered a bit more about your sibling.”

She looked at them with interest and Aelin took over “what do you think about having a little brother?”

“Can I play with him?”

“Of course,” added Rowan “as soon as he is a bit older you can teach him all your favourite games.”

Quickly she held elf closer at her chest “but Elf is mine.”

“Of course.”

At that she relaxed and went to touch her mum’s belly. 

Rowan took that as a cue to go and make dinner.

He was busy prepping when a set of arms sneaked around his waist “that went well I think?”

Aelin kissed his back “I am not sure how she will react. I was an only child. Will she get jealous?”

Rowan chuckled and kept cooking “I was an only child too but as you know, the Whitethorn are a huge clan. My dad had a brother and a sister and they got a long wonderfully.”

Aelin sighed “I want her to love her brother.”

He turned for a brief moment “as long as we show them both that they are loved, we should be fine. Let’s try and make Maya feel included.”

“She is already proud of being a big sister.”

Rowan kissed her and went back cooking “how did you two get home?”

“Lorcan came to pick up Elide and he offered to get Maya from school and drive us home.”

He relaxed “I am sorry I let you down.”

Aelin moved at his side and looked at him “you did not,” her hand caressed his face “you were at work and then had an emergency. And if Lorcan had not showed up, we would have gone to my mum until you were back.”

Rowan kissed “I love you.”

Aelin pinched his arse “now Whitethorn, get a move on with the chow. You spawn and I are starving.”

He pushed her gently away and finished preparing dinner.

Then while cooking an idea hit him. 

He knew how to propose.

He just needed to enlist Lysandra and Elide in his plan.

taglist

@rowaelinismyotp @swankii-art-teacher @whimsicallyreading @elentiyawhitethorn @aelin-bitch-queen @bruiseonthefaceofhumanity  @mis-lil-red @thegreyj @sailorsassley @leiawritesstories @clairec79 @morganofthewildfire @sv0430 @heartless--aromantic @autumnbabylon @rowanaelinn  @susumaus98  @gracie-rosee @mybloodrunsblue @tanvee1231 @avenrebekah @whoever-you-choose-to-love  @theywillnotsingforme @universallytreepost @black-daisy-water @goddess-aelin @whispers-in-the-darkest-heart @lovely-dove-zee @athena127 @mariaofdoranelle

[aloekat]

giving pokemon teams to d20 characters!

The Unsleeping City S1 & S2

pt 2/?

part 1 || part 2

second verse same as the first, check out part one for my guidelines on how i made the teams! short version is only 4 pokemon per team, no repeats, and little to no shinies or legendaries

fun fact the unsleeping city was actually the first season i thought of pokemon for, and why i started to make teams in the first place!

i also like unsleeping city a uhhh a lot less than fantasy high so my fantasy high picks (part 1) are a lot more thought out and maybe cooler than these picks but hey i'm still happy with these!

oh also unsleeping ch. 1 and 2 spoilers ahead of course :]

Sophia

Purugly - symbolizing La Gran Gata! also it just feels like Sophia would have this pokemon it fits her Vibe

Furfrou (Heart Trim) - she is a hair stylist!! of course she would have the hair stylized dog!!! she mainly keeps her as the heart trim but it doesnt 100 percent always stay that way

Mienshao - cool and cute monk pokemon for obvious reasons lol

Raticate - represents kugrash after he dies(?). shockingly the raticate and purugly get along well, and are actually pretty nice with each other

Ricky

Boltund - there’s no dalmatian pokemon (which there should be maybe) so this is the closest i got to representing Ox! boltunds are VERY fast though so it still works lol

Blastoise - what better pokemon to have as a fireman than a giant water tank? probably got a squirtle when he was young and it evolved as he grew up :]

Kleavor - represents the fireman ax he carried

Machamp - Ricky is all about exercise so naturally i gave him the super buff pokemon. they probably train together and like do pushups or whatever fit people do

Kingston

Dachsbun - representing both the dog he gets in season 2 along with bagels in general, which seems to be a symbol for him (see the vox populi pin)

Drampa - similar to how i imagine the dragon of bleaker’s street would look, it also just feels like an old man of a pokemon (which kingston is)

Blissey - i like to imagine doctors/nurses get blisseys once they like are hired in healthcare to help their trainers with the patients (and also blisseys are absolute TANKS in terms of defense)

Magnezone - Kingston did that cool tech shutdown/takeover thing in one of the season one battles at the stock market and i thought that was cool. and also it fits because Vibes

Misty / Rowan

Gardevoir - a beautiful pokemon that always looks youthful, just like Rowan

Primarina - a singing pokemon that wouldve helped Misty practice her singing for plays

Meloetta - same reason, a singing pokemon lol

Scream Tail - rather than a standard Jigglypuff i would like to imagine an ancient thousand year old one was much more interesting! it also ties to Rowan's reincarnation thing she has goin' on

Iga

Goodra - a dragon to represent the storybook dragon inside of the chest she has! i didn’t do charizard because i saved that one for a future season team (take a guess who)

Gimmighoul - a chest pokemon because. she. she has a chest thats very important to her. yeah!!!

Perrserker - pure vibes i just feel she would have this pokemon lol

Hatterene - also mostly vibes, she Is a psychic so it works but yeah she gets a hatterene because i say so

Kugrash

Rapidash (Galarian) - unicorn totem

Unfezant (Male) - spicy pigeon totem

Ladyba - juicy cockroach totem (i didn’t do kricketune because i want to use it for a later team. can you again guess who)

Arceus - our first true legendary! kugrash literally becomes omnipotent so you know what he can have pokemon god on his team

Cody

Aegislash (Shiny) - it’s literally The sword pokemon of course Cody would have one. it’s shiny because if he spent a long time growing his real sword collection he can spend a long time finding a shiny. also it’s black and red like Thirsting Blade Dark Excalibur Mega Genesis

Grimmsnarl - the most emo pokemon ive ever seen so of course Cody gets it. as a treat

Houndoom - “but aloe why didn’t you give this to Fig?!” shshhhshshhhh. listen my sweet child. houndoom is for the emo boys. which Cody is. and also also it parallels the other paladin on the team, Ricky, and his dog pokemon, Boltund. does that make sense….

Corviknight - emo pokemon #3 on the team. also knight means sword so in a roundabout way it’s another sword related pokemon

Pete

Polteageist - Pete has a teapot in his official art and while yes. it is blue and so is the non-shiny form i think purple in general fits Pete a LOT more than blue so here we are lol

Musharna - literally the dream pokemon this was an easy peasy pick and very obvious

Hypno - another dream-like pokemon but much more scary to maybe represent a sort of nightmare compared to the sweeter dreams from Musharna

Vivillion (Garden Pattern) - representing Luna his green butterfly familiar! i feel like everyone (including the PCs) forget Luna exists and it makes me a little sad :(

=====

that's all for this new york team! i plan on doing a crown of candy next :]

have any suggestions or changes you would make? let me know i would love to hear your takes on the teams :D!

[highqueenofelfhame]

rowaelin // 5.8k words // masterlist // ciwyw masterlist let me know if you want to be tagged in my writing :) i hope you enjoy <3 i can't wait to see all your comments. y'all are kILLING me with them on this one.

As much as he knew he shouldn’t be, Rowan was drunk. Again. 

Tomorrow they had a match against Adarlan on Doranelle’s home field. While Rowan laid on his back,  staring at the ceiling fan above him with a full half-empty bottle of whiskey resting on his stomach, he knew they were going to lose. Not because Adarlan was better or because they wanted it more, but because Rowan was a selfish piece of shit and couldn’t put the bottle down. There was no way he would be in any condition to play tomorrow— at least not well. 

Burying his sorrows at the bottom of the bottle seemed like the better alternative until he could figure out how to repair what he had catastrophically obliterated. It had been a full week with no word from Aelin. Not a single one of those days had passed without him sending an apology text into the void. There had even been a few voicemails Wednesday night that went unanswered. He wouldn’t be surprised if she was erasing them without bothering to listen. He deserved that much. 

Rowan Whitethorn had never had social media. Ever. Not even in high school when it was just becoming a cool thing to do. Nobody needed to know that much about his life. At this point in his career, his agent and PR team begged him to do it because it would garner him more popularity. Even Lorcan posted on instagram from time to time and kept everyone happy. 

The thing that finally drove Rowan to making an instagram account was stalking Aelin Ashryver Galathynius. It was easier for his thumbs to scroll through her feed while nursing sips of whiskey, trying not to double tap on any pictures. He was pathetic enough— Aelin didn’t need to be aware of his sulking and pining. 

This all came after he googled her name paired with various words like ‘spouse,’ ‘husband,’ ‘wife,’ and ‘wedding.’ Nothing came back with a result, but it had been lurking in his mind when she didn’t answer his question earlier. Besides, Rhoe Galathynius very well could have been her father-in-law. As it were, she wasn’t married, and Evalin and Rhoe only had one child: their daughter. At least if she was married, there was no record of it. No photos of her in an elegant white gown standing next to the love of her life. 

Good. He could deal with that. 

What he couldn’t deal with was the photos of her in bikinis, arms wrapped around the waists of other men. She was nestled between the pair on the deck of a yacht all three of them with wide smiles and sunglasses covering their eyes. Her bathing suit looked more like lingerie and Rowan had never wished so hard for summer to come back around than he was right then. 

There were pictures of her with a stunning brunette woman, both of them dressed in finery or night-out attire depending on where they were headed. Aelin with a full face of makeup, with sultry dark eyes and a full pouty lip was enough to drive him into madness. 

He found photographs from holidays with her family, Aelin perched on a couch in comfy clothes and thick socks with Aedion Ashryver standing behind her. Further down her page he found the ones from years ago of her on Aedion’s shoulders after he won some match or another. It was captions Always my hero. 

Lower and lower he went until he finally hit her first post: a simple kingsflame flower from nine years ago with the caption Fireheart. He supposed that was where she garnered the name for her foundation. Gods above, she was incredible. A super-hero amongst ordinary women. 

Rowan scrolled back towards the top of her instagram, all the way back to the most recent one. It was from their day downtown, when they had bought a piece of chocolate hazelnut cake and sat outside the bakery. Aelin was laughing around her thumb that she held between her teeth. At that moment, he had been teasing her about getting the frosting everywhere. Behind the camera he was smiling just as brilliantly as she was. The light in her eyes, her smile, the utter joy that radiated off of her… It was enough to make him breathless all over again. 

“Fuck,” he murmured to himself, heart squeezing and soul dying at how absurdly beautiful she was. It didn’t seem fair. Everything about her was perfect. Not just outside, but inside, too.  Aelin Galathynius was the most selfless and loving person he had ever met. Inside and out, she shone with the light of a thousand suns. It made it impossible to look away and broke his heart that he had driven her away so sharply.

“M’such a bloody dobber,” he mumbled, zooming in on her face as close as it would get, until she was little more than a monochromatic cluster of pixels, none of her features distinguishable. 

The phone fumbled where he held it over his face, falling directly onto it. Rowan swore, the taste of metal blooming over his tongue where his tooth had cut through his lip. Worse than that, though, was when he noticed the giant heart that appeared in the center of the picture he’d been staring at. 

Rowan had accidentally liked it. Just as quickly, he unliked it and tossed his phone to the other end of the couch. Jail. He needed to be in phone jail. 

It had over ten thousand likes and three hundred comments. There was a chance she would never notice the notification appearing and disappearing. She might never notice. It didn’t stop the ice creeping into his veins, though. The idea that she would realize how utterly pathetic he was, as if all the texts weren’t indication enough. 

Rowan swore violently under his breath and grabbed his phone again. With bleary, bloodshot eyes he opened their text thread to send off another message. Just as his fingers started their drunken dance over the letters once again, his phone began to ring loudly. The vibration shook him to his core as he beheld the name flashing on his screen, a photo of the two of them laying on her couch flashing in front of him. The sight of it knocked the wind out of him. 

Aelin. 

Fuck. Shit. Mala fucking fry him. 

“Hello?” he said, breathless like he’d been running a marathon. 

“Hi.” Aelin’s voice was quiet. Rowan could imagine her sitting in the middle of her couch, a tv show paused. 

“I am so sorry, baby,” he began, letters and syllables stringing together with no space between. “I need to explain, to—”

“Did you just like that picture on my instagram?”

“I…” it was long and drawn out as he squinted at the ceiling, trying to find a way out of it. There wasn’t one. Heat crept up his neck and bloomed over his cheeks like rose petals. “Ye-yeah. That was me.”

“Are you drunk?” was her follow up question. On the other end of the phone it sounded like she was rolling over in bed. Gods, he would love to be wrapped up in bed with her. The expanse of her golden skin under his hands wasn’t beat out by anything, not even football. 

“No,” was his quick response. 

“You sound drunk.” It was impossible to tell what, exactly, her emotions were. Rowan swallowed thickly, setting the bottle on the coffee table and nudging it out of reach. 

“I sound like a pathetic bastard that ruined something perfect.” 

“You’re definitely drunk.” If Rowan wasn’t positive that she hated him, he might mistake her tone as amusement. 

“I miss you. And I’m sorry,” he paused to hiccup, “And I want you to tell me what to do to fix what I’ve broken.” A heavy, resigned sigh came through the phone and Rowan froze.

“Start with sobering up–” Fuck. She was going to hang up, and he had blown his only chance at making things right. Shit.

“Don’t hang up,” Rowan pleaded, lip tucking between his bottom teeth while he waited for her to respond. 

“Get some sleep and win your game tomorrow. After that… maybe we can talk.” If that was what it took, then yes. A thousand times yes he would do both of those things. Anything to get her to talk to him, anything so he could hold her, feel her lips on his skin, taste her and feel her beneath him.

“Do you promise?” A schoolyard thing to say, but he couldn’t help it. The gift of hearing her voice again after an entire week of deafening silence was the most beautiful thing he could ever imagine hearing. If he could, he’d bottle it up and get drunk off it. It was better than any alcohol, any drug. 

“I promise,” she replied, and Rowan swore he heard a hint of laughter weaving between each letter of those two, simple words. That couldn’t be right, though. Aelin was mad at him. They wouldn’t be laughing together anytime soon.

“Okay.” It felt stupid to say, but it was the only word he could find. 

“Okay.” Aelin’s voice was still soft and told him nothing of the status of his forgiveness, or if he needed to beg on his knees and worship her as penance. He would never, ever stop if that was what she required. “Goodnight, Rowan.” 

The line went dead before he could say anything else and a new zap of determination electrified his blood. If she wanted a win, she would get it. But he had to get sober first. 

With a pained groan, he pulled himself upright. A few deep breaths later the room wasn’t spinning quite so quickly and he was able to stumble to the kitchen. The smell of coffee made his nose wrinkle when he opened the bag. It quickly filled the space of the kitchen as he dumped the beans into the grinder, wincing at the shriek it made. Coffee and bread would help sober him up, and then he would focus on fluid intake to not be a useless sack of meat on the field tomorrow. 

He leaned against his counter, ignoring incoming messages from his teammates checking on him, and shoved half a piece of bread into his mouth. A cold shower would wake him up, and tons of water and painkillers before bed would help the hangover tomorrow. 

Anything Aelin wanted, he would give her. Starting tomorrow night by defeating the Adarlan Wyverns and handing it to her on a silver platter. 

When he finally drifted off to sleep, his phone screen was still illuminated in his palm: that final photo he’d taken of her at the bakery wearing a smile just for him. 

~*~

As soon as she took one step into the Neon Moon, she found Connall looking over at her with a healthy dose of surprise in his eyes. Aelin moved through the crowd that had gathered to watch the game, managing to snag a single barstool in front of the beer tap. 

“Water, please,” she half-shouted over the loud voices filling the room. As soon as it was in her hands she took a long drink before placing it down on a napkin in front of her. “Hi.”

“Hi yourself.” A crooked grin spread across his face and he leaned forward on his forearms. “Watching the game?” 

“Against my better judgment,” she sighed, ruffling her fingers through her hair. Now that she knew that he played for Doranelle, she just couldn’t miss it. Had she known from the get-go, there wouldn’t have been a single game that she missed. Even if it meant she’d be catching up on work during the short commercial breaks. “How much do you know?”

“Oh just… everything.” 

Aelin groaned and looked up at the ceiling. She wasn’t upset that he’d told his friends, his support system. Rowan needed that, just like she did. Though she had yet to tell her family, she was going to do it soon. Maybe tomorrow or the day after. Some of the dust had to settle with Rowan first. 

Though she was content to let him stew for a few more days, the single like she’d gotten from an account called actuallywhitethorn made her pick up the phone. A result of her doom-scrolling before bed, the notification had dropped from the top of her screen. By the time she clicked her notification icon, that particular like from that specific account was gone. It was like fate, she decided, for her to have seen it in its brevity. If he was miserable and pining enough to accidentally like an instagram picture, it wouldn’t hurt to call him. So she did.

At first, she didn’t know what to say, but as he talked it became more and more clear that he was very drunk. All his words had melded into one long syllable, and the fact that he was likely drinking away his feelings and problems had tugged at her heart. He really was adorable when he was drunk, calling her baby and trying his hardest to apologize, begging her not to hang up the phone. As much as she really did want to talk to him, it wasn’t a conversation to have while he was only half-aware. The apology she deserved needed to come from his sober lips, not drunk, loose ones.

After they hung up, Aelin had decided she would go to the bar to watch the game. It didn’t seem like a feat she could conquer at home alone on her couch. Even with Lysandra a phone call away, it felt too big to do on her own. The bar made sense.

“Congratulations?” Connall offered, and it was the first time she’d really picked up on any shyness or hesitancy from the man. 

“Thank you.” It was still so new, so foreign. The racing of her thoughts hadn’t died down about it yet, her emotions didn’t have a full grasp on the situation. “How is he?”

“I think you already know the answer to that.” Kind of. If his texts were any inclination to his mental state, he was having a rough go of things at the moment. “Feels like a piece of shite.”

“Yeah, well.” That was a little deserved after what he’d said to her. Connall didn’t seem to disagree, merely shrugging as he followed her eyes to the television.

The game had been on for fifteen minutes, and Doranelle had scored one point. Adarlan had nothing. It was a bit of a feat to score so early on in the game, showing just how skilled Rowan and his teammates were. A camera zoomed in on the players, a towering, dark-haired man with a glove tucked under his arm, using the bottom of his shirt to wipe his face. Aelin’s eyes widened and her head whipped toward Connall when the spitting image of him appeared on the screen. The only difference was the color of the curls: Connall’s were black, his brother’s golden. 

“You have a twin?” By way of answer, Connall merely winked and nodded back at the TV where Rowan had come into view. His uniform for home games was navy blue with white letters. Hands braced on his hips, he joined his teammates where they talked. It was only when he turned around that she saw how horrible he looked. 

Though his skin was golden brown as ever, his face was ashen. Dark circles clung beneath his eyes and his bottom lip was swollen and scabbed over. The sweat gathering at his temples didn’t do anything at all to make him look well, if anything he just looked sicker. 

“Whitethorn looks a bit… peaky,” Connall said cautiously, the corners of his lips tugging downward into a scowl.

“As drunk as he was when I called him last night, that makes perfect sense.” She was frowning, too. The most put together part of him was his hair, the single french braid down the center until it all met in a mess of a bun on the top of his head. 

As soon as the whistle blew, he inhaled and exhaled a deep breath. That was when the cameras zoomed back out to take in the entire field, all the players getting into position. Aelin watched closely, one eye on the ball and the other always aware of where Rowan was in the frame.

For a while, it was a lot of passing back and forth, working up and down the field, the ball getting stolen one way or the other. Once, Adarlan got close to scoring but the goalie for Doranelle was quick to block it and pass it back down the field. Another of Rowan’s teammates was quick to get it back toward the Adarlan goal. It was passed back and forth between a few as they worked further and further down the pitch until a pass from Connall’s twin had the ball being juggled between Rowan’s feet.

Watching Rowan play brought back the old feelings she felt watching Aedion. Her competitive temper rose in her chest as he sprinted downfield with the ball between his feet. Somehow, he never tripped or stumbled. When he passed it off to a dark-haired man, Vaughan, Connall told her, it was with tricky footwork that he made look easy. Seconds later and a single pass back toward him, Rowan lunged from behind a crimson jersey. By some grace of the gods he managed to land the perfect kick that arched beautifully through the air. Adarlan’s goalie missed it by a fingertip.

The bar became deafening– some of them rooting for Doranelle, others wanting them to lose for the sake of Varese’s team. On the TV, Rowan’s teammates pulled him off the ground and jostled him amongst them, Connall’s golden-haired brother smacking a kiss to Rowan’s sweaty forehead. 

If Aelin didn’t know any better, she would say his teammates were being a little more gentle with him than they might be otherwise. Rowan’s jaw remained clenched tightly, that muscle feathering as he nodded to the only person on the team that was taller than him where he stood down the field.

“Who is their goalie?”

“Lorcan Salvaterre. Team captain and one of Rowan’s closest friends. My twin’s name is Fenrys.” Aelin nodded and rested her chin on her hands as the next play started, polished blue nails digging into her palms. She knew of most of these names from Aedion’s soccer days and the afternoons at her parents house where her father prattled on about different team rosters.

The minutes ticked by, Rowan fiercely focused on the game. That look of sheer determination never left his eyes, even in the brief moments of reprieve he had to gather his wits. Whenever he could, Connall hovered near her for the moral support she’d come in search of. It meant more to her than she could ever put into words. Being in a new city, far away from her support system, with no one else to lean on? It was really nice to know he was there. Even if they barely knew each other. 

When Adarlan scored, Aelin had over half the pub groaned. The Doranelle players looked beyond pissed. Rowan and Lorcan shared matching expressions, both of their jaws grinding as they shook their heads before getting back into position. 

It led them into more volleying back and forth, the ball little more than a blur between feet. And then it was back in Rowan’s possession. It was like the wind sang for him, pushing him faster as he bolted down the field. Almost as soon as he made his goal, the one that would get them a point ahead though, a whistle blew and a yellow-checkered flag was waving. 

“Shit,” she murmured, closely eyeing the playback. It was a fair call, he had been offside. When the camera showed Rowan again though, he was pointed at the goal, mouth wrapping around words that looked a lot like fucking bullshit. The words weren’t more than a whisper as she said, “Rowan, you stupid idiot.”

Connall chuckled, despite the dire situation at hand. She knew he was only laughing at her, not his friend’s situation. Still, she wadded up a napkin and threw it at his head. It nailed him in the temple.

“It’s not funny,” she hissed, nibbling on the end of her straw, a sick feeling roiling in her gut.

The referee pulled a yellow card brandishing it in front of his face. A spark of anger flickered behind his eyes, mouth opening to spew something else when Fenrys grabbed him by the shoulders and made him turn away. Aelin exhaled a tight breath as Rowan shook his head on screen. Fenrys said something in Rowan’s ear and he nodded, lips thin in a stiff line.. It was enough to make him nod and hustle to his spot on the field, shaking his arms out when he came to a stop.  

Beneath the bar, Aelin’s legs were bouncing. Butterflies flitted their way through her insides enough that she braced her hands against her stomach as though it would calm them. It was impossible to look away as Adarlan took their free kick from the offside, launching the ball halfway down the field and into another frustrating back and forth between the two teams. 

This was always the part of the sport that Aelin hated. No, perhaps hated was too strong of a word. The build up always made her feel nauseous, waiting for one team to make one quick move to kick everyone into high gear to avoid a goal or make one. Being pregnant, it was worse. It felt as though her stomach was in the back of her throat.

Just before the end of the second half, disaster struck. Aelin saw it coming. She was pretty sure everyone watching at home or in the stands did, too. Connall swore filthily as Rowan ran for the ball and dove feet first to knock it away from Adarlan. Except in the process, his cleats clashed into the other player’s feet and they both went down in a heap on the field. 

“What the fuck did you say to him?” Connall asked over his shoulder, never taking his eyes off the screen as a ref jogged across the pitch. 

“I told him to win and maybe we would talk! I didn’t tell him to–” A yellow card appeared in the ref’s hand, followed by a red one and Aelin lost all of her words. Both were for Rowan. 

“I think he took that a little too do or die.” And so it seemed he had.

Distantly, she heard the announcer saying it was the first time he’d ever been red carded in his entire career. The patron’s of the bar murmured amongst themselves, many of them asking what the hell was wrong with Whitethorn tonight. 

The cameras zoomed in to where he walked off the field, sweat trickling down his face. Their coach followed him to the end of the field, the words he muttered only for Rowan to hear. Though he looked ready to hit anyone that was close enough, Rowan simply nodded. Fenrys caught his arm just before he walked off, mouth moving too quickly for Aelin to decipher. 

The last clear shot of him was walking into the tunnel and off the pitch, body rigid and muscles rippling while he pulled his jersey off his body. 

“I… I need to go,” Aelin said to Connall, who only nodded in response. She threw a few bills on the counter as a thank you and pushed her way out of the pub, walking as fast as her feet would carry her to her rental car down the street. 

~*~

Even though his team had another win under their belt by the time the game was over, it had been a fucking disaster. Rowan watched the second half on his phone from the comfort of his car after getting kicked out. 

It was the first time in his eleven year career he’d ever received two yellow cards, and consequently a red card, and been ejected from a game. All that anger and frustration from the week, from his hangover, had boiled to a head and exploded on the field. Next week he would have to sit out, too. 

Failing his teammates didn’t sit right with him. Lorcan was probably fuming and Rowan anticipated a less than friendly visit from him tomorrow. Coach Malakai was mad, too. The last thing he told Rowan was to get his shit together before practice on Monday. Only Fenrys, who never missed a chance to be a jokester about anything, had murmured words of encouragement before he left the field. 

By the time he pulled into his driveway, he was exhausted. His entire body ached from that last dive. There would definitely be bruises on his hips and thighs tomorrow from the way Ress Taylor landed on top of him. All he wanted to do was let his muscles thaw under a shower so hot it burned. A glass of whiskey would be great, too. Not that he deserved it after his performance on the pitch.

The game was… rough.The entire day was rough. From the time he’d woken up his mood had been in the pits of hell. Drunk Rowan hadn’t been able to piece together what Aelin said just before they hung up, but sober Rowan did as soon as his alarm sounded. 

Win your game tomorrow. 

Not win the game, like she used to say when she thought he was the coach. She didn’t ask him to wish the boys good luck like she had in the weeks prior. The words had changed. Win your game. The game he would be playing in, that belonged to him. She had given him a personal goal and though he helped his team achieve it, he still felt like he failed. Especially since he would have to sit out next week, too, because of the red card.

It had been stupid of him to think she wouldn’t find out the truth before he had the chance to tell her. Everything had just gone to such absolute shit before he had the chance. Rowan Whitethorn would be groveling at the feet of Aelin Galathynius for the duration of his life, and then some more after he crossed into whatever afterworld awaited him. 

The news of his career was just another lie he had to make right. All day it sat with him, festering like an open wound. It wasn’t that he suddenly felt bitter about his job. He didn’t. Rowan loved what he did, he loved the sport. It was his greatest passion and love in life. But Aelin deserved to hear about it from him. Not knowing how she found out only made it worse, until everything he felt was bleeding out into the astroturf beneath his feet and getting him thrown out of a game.

Upon pulling into his driveway, something white in front of his house caught his eye. His heart came to a stop as soon as his car did. Rowan didn’t even bother to pull into his garage, just parked beside the white SUV and stared at his porch. It felt like a fever dream, getting home from a hard game and seeing Aelin on his porch swing. The wind slowly moved her back and forth, but when she saw him step out of the car she stood, hands sliding into her back pockets. 

“I told you to win, not get a red card before the second half was up.” The lilting tone of her voice made his knees buckle. It forced him to gather himself before approaching, slowly walking up the stairs until he stood one below her.

“My mouth keeps getting me in trouble this week, it seems,” he said back, mouth completely dry. It was an effort to make his tongue form the words with his lips. “But it got you to my house, so I suppose there are worse things that could have happened.”

“Few things are worse than a red card.”

“Not talking to you might beat out all of them,” he said smoothly, fingers sliding along each of his keys until he found the one for his front door. He held it up between two fingers and Aelin nodded, stepping to the side and gesturing toward the door. 

She wore simple leggings and an oversized t-shirt, a pair of socks and slides on her feet. Though she wore no makeup and her hair was twisted half-hazardly onto the top of her head, she had never looked so beautiful. Lorcan would laugh himself hoarse if he heard the thoughts Rowan had about this woman, yet he didn’t care. Even in her most dressed down and casual state, she was breathtaking. 

He led her inside, locking the door behind them. It was late enough he assumed she would be staying for a while. Few people made a nearly two hour drive to turn around and leave upon arrival. Then again, he hadn’t seen last weekend going that way, either, and it’s exactly how that night ended.

“You played…”

“Shittily,” he offered, hanging his keys on a small hook by the front door.

“Brutally,” Aelin amended, slipping off her shoes and heading to the kitchen. Rowan watched as she grabbed two bottles of water from the fridge and handed one off to him before heading for the couch. “Have you eaten?” 

“No. Have you?”

“Not since lunch.” Phone in hand, she curled up in the corner and pulled a blanket over her lap. “I doubt we have any notable options, but Taco Bell is open and is shockingly one of the few things not making me sick at the moment.”

Rowan watched her from where he stood in the center of the room. It didn’t feel real. None of today did, really. It could be the hangover talking, but the day felt like a horrible dream. He was scared to move, scared that if he sat on the couch with her that she would vanish into nothing and he would wake up alone in his bed. 

“Are you going to just stand there all night?” Her eyes didn’t leave her phone while presumably selecting everything she wanted to eat, eyes narrowing at the screen briefly in thought. A moment later she held it out for him. Rowan stared at her, heart thundering away in his chest. “Rowan.”

“Right. Thank you,” he murmured, taking the phone and trying not to acknowledge the rush he felt when his fingertips grazed her palm. Not big on fast food most of the time, it took him a little longer to pick his dinner. “What do I owe you?”

Aelin just snorted as she submitted the order, eyes rolling slightly before placing her phone face down on the couch next to her, head tilting as she said, “Come to think of it, maybe you do. I think your twenty dollar fast food order might do me in completely. I’ll have to take out a loan.” 

“I can Venmo it,” Rowan said dumbly, reaching for the phone in his back pocket.

“I don’t need your money any more than you need mine.” Once there might have been a teasing edge to her voice. Her delivery was much drier than he was used to from her. But there it was. That stupid thing he’d said before he could stop himself, the words that brought everything they were building crashing down.

“Sit,” she told him, patting the cushion next to her. Rowan was careful to leave plenty of space between them. There were definitely lines and boundaries now. The risk of getting ensnared in one was too great and he had a lot of apologies to make. With his arms elbows braced on his knees and hands clasped loosely between them, he stared at the floor. 

“You’re actually getting a pretty sweet deal.” Aelin sighed, shifting so she was facing him full on. His green eyes didn’t leave the rug. “According to google my net worth is two-and-a-half times what yours is. Isn’t that crazy?”

“I didn’t know,” he finally said. As much as he wanted to look at her, he couldn’t. He was a fucking coward. Guilt was a disgusting, oily thing crawling beneath his skin. It threatened to consume him whole even worse now that he was talking to her than it had the rest of the week. 

Aelin sighed again, finally pulling his attention to her face. She laid her head back against the sofa and a few tendrils of hair fell down to frame her face.  Rowan’s fingers curled into fists to fight the urge to sweep them behind her ear. She must have sensed it because she did it herself. The blue of her fingernails was the same blue as his jersey. Part of him wondered if it had been on purpose. 

“I think tonight we can call a truce.” Aelin seemed to notice his gaze on her fingers because she folded her arms over her chest, curling her hands so her blue nails were hidden. “We’ll eat, sleep, and then tomorrow… Tomorrow we’ll talk.”

“Okay,” he agreed. The word was falling off his tongue as soon as she finished speaking. Her cheeks seemed to twitch with amusement, and if he had reacted differently last week she would probably be smiling. 

“I am curious, though. Did you make an instagram for the sole purpose of stalking me?” 

Rowan cringed. His eyes squeezed shut, lips rolling between his teeth as he looked away. Beside him it sounded like Aelin laughing, though it was little more than puffs of air coming out of her nose. It would have been easy to go on the defensive, to add one more lie to their crumpled house of cards. Instead, he went with the truth.

“I missed you. I just wanted to see your face.” He looked back over at her then, but it was she who looked away now. Her eyes were glassy, the dim lighting making the unshed tears in her eyes sparkle. “Shit. I’m sorry.”

“It’s these fucking hormones.” She dismissed him with a wave of her hand when he started to reach for her. It stung more than he would ever let on, but he retreated and dropped his hand into his lap while she used the collar of her shirt to dry her eyes. 

It was silent after that, the two of them alternating from staring at nothing to sneaking glances at the other. Rowan only knew because he caught her staring at him more than once when he thought he could take a second to drink her in. It was only when the doorbell finally rang and he stood that she said his name, stopping him when he was halfway to the front door. Turning to look at her, eyebrows raised in question, he watched her lick her lips. 

“I missed you, too.” It was barely a whisper, spoken so softly he might have dreamed it if he was any more tired. 

Still, it was enough to get him through the rest of their silent night. Enough that it didn’t hurt as much as he thought it would when he insisted she sleep in his bed without him. Enough to chase him with sweet dreams when he finally slipped into the guest room down the hall and tumbled into a deep sleep. 

@elentiyawhitethorn @autumnbabylon @fancysludgeshoelamp  @wordsafterhours @live-the-fangirl-life @the-hospitality-of-knives @tangledraysofsunshine @readandlisten @westofmoon @rowanaelinn  @morganofthewildfire @writtenonreceipts @feynightlight @emster1622-blog @scarblx @thefaetrove @loveyatopluto @actuallybarb @peppermint-fae @the-devils-own @scottmcgivemeacall @livingmylifeforme  @wordsafterhours @foreverfallingforthestars @llyncooljones @emily-gsh @loosesimplicity @emilyrose111294  @charlizeed @aelinchocolatelover @cretaceous-therapod @sayosdreams @fireheart-violet @the-regal-warrior @backtobl4ck @shyvioletcat @mariamuses

[mr-orion]

ok I must have more lore on this Icarus I keep seeing since I’m officially in love with him and want to kiss

he and I should kiss

also may I draw him bc that drawing you posted of him gossiping tickles my brain so much-

"I guess if the inspiration strikes... me being your muse must happen."

Oh boy. He's a bit of a firecracker and not very PG. He's in fact, kind of mean. As for the kissing, you and Ray both, though I think Icarus will shake you down for all your cash before you start getting any affection. As for drawing, yeah! I'm always grateful for any drawings and honestly treasure each one I get!

I don't see the harm in saying it as it is. He's a prostitute and escort. Man is raking in the big bucks working under Stags INC. The only reason Ray and him are friends is because Icarus has a lot of intel on the people manning the cartels. While Ray initially got his cooperation by bargaining to sweep his drug use under the carpet, he found Ray is a fun guy and not too sleazy to be around. Plus he's fun to tease, which is Icarus' favorite thing.

He's a Stav'raw, as opposed to Ray who is an Auveri. Unlike Ray he cannot fly. He has dense bones and his wings are only good for a glide. Which, he doesn't preen them. He was never taught so he is absolutely matted with feathers he hasn't thought to pull out. He's actually much more vibrant but because he's so fucking crusty with feathers from his whole existence you can't really tell. Additionally the sclera of his eyes is black. Along with his mouth and lips. He also gave himself a split tongue.

He comes from a very neglectful household with a mother who was a first generation Earthian and a non-existent father. He found his profession as a way out of that bad situation. Though Icarus' dream job is being able to help kids someday. He wants to be a pediatrician for alien children, believing that if one adult had noticed the abuse happening to him he could have been helped.

While Icarus doesn't think he'll make it because of his job history, Ray encourages him. Also reassures him that there are other ways he can help people. While Icarus is bummed he's only just starting to get into the 9 years of schooling at 28, he remains hopeful.

His hobbies consist of video games, nursing classes, clubbing, taking his dogs for walks along the beach, and riding his motorcycles around.

Another fun fact is that this man is absolutely the best of friends with Rays older brother Rowan. Though he has no clue the two are related because they look nothing alike and it's just never comes up. It will be chaos when all three of them figure it out and Rowan tries to beat him for trying to rizz up his beloved sibling. Ray will also get a scolding for bringing sweet, innocent Icarus into his less ethical detective practices. Ha.

Additionally, in freak coincidence Rowans child, is also his niece! He genuinely had no clue until one night in a deep conversation his best friend opened up about how similar Icarus looks to his niece, Onyx's egg donor. Icarus developed an even deeper hatred for his twin sister that night upon Rowan opening up even more about what his sister did to him. (It gets real fucking dark, so I'll spare those details.)

Icarus absolutely hates talking about his blood relations unless its Onyx. Who he treasures deeply and is so proud of. And by proxy Rowan. Of course. Who is his bro, his best friend, his pogchamp.

I can't think of much more, if you want to know something specific please feel free to send more asks!

[manonblaqkbeak]

Scaling in the Moonlight

Hello everyone!!! Long time no see!!! It's been eleven months!!!!! since I last wrote anything. I hated the fact that I missed last years rowaelin month and was determined to write something for this years rowaelin month (and a special thank you to @goddess-aelin for her lovely note saying she missed my work <3)

And thanks to the lovely people that run rowaelin month!!! you are all amazing!!! @rowaelinscourt

Apologies in advance if my writing and grammar and characterisation is a little rusty, like I said, it's been eleven months since I last wrote anything and I'm slowly getting through my ToG re-read (which has really opened my eyes to how traumatised Aelin is as a person/character).

Words: 800+. CW: none, I don't think.

Day 18- Aelin and Rowan's hawk form.

It was two AM and Aelin was out, wondering the dark city streets of Orynth, looking for the right building.

Instead of using the castle's obstacle course like most sane people would, Aelin decided that she needed to do this the way she was trained too—by scaling the side of buildings, using every muscle in her body to pull herself up to reach the top of the building, to run across the rooftops to get closer to her target.

She needed the reminder that she could—and that she hadn't lost her edge.

Although, she was sure she had lost it. She did still train, from magic to weapons to hand-to-hand combat, she did whichever she was in the mood for with what free time she had, but as Queen and mother to five children, she had no need to scale buildings and jump from rooftop to rooftop.

So she had decided, as she ate her dinner with her family, she was going to relive her past life; if only for a couple of hours.

Aelin walked through one more street before she found a good starting point—a shoe store that she did frequent with Rowan and their children. It was two storeys tall and she knew that no one occupied the apartment above the shop so no one would see her.

Hopefully no one would hear her either.

Stretching before climbing, Aelin told herself that it would be fine. She had given birth to five children, all without pain relieving herbs, she could—would—scale this building with ease.

Finding her footing was easy enough, so Aelin started her trek—and thankfully didn't fall off, although she did slid time a few times and had to grit her teeth to stop her cursing from echoing around town.

The burning in her muscles took her back to how she used to be, how she used to be able to demand any contract and fat coin purse she desired.

She didn't miss that life, not at all, but it was part of who she was and she was not ashamed of it.

Taking one last gulping breath, Aelin hoisted herself over the roofs ledge and let the accomplishment rush through her.

So determined she was in proving herself that she could still do this, she hadn't been aware that she had a follower.

A follower that now clicked his beak at her.

Aelin's head snapped upwards, taking in her mate's large hawk-form as he perched on the chimney.

“You were asleep when I left,” was all Aelin could think of to say.

Rowan clicked his beak again, as if to say And now I'm awake.

“Clearly,” Aelin said, “how'd I go from your end?”

She waited for him to shift back but he didn't. He wasn't mad at her, she knew that much, but she didn't want anyone to see her talking to her mate like this—it felt too intimate to be like this in public, but after two decades together, Aelin could converse with Rowan in his hawk form as easily as she could talk to him in his Fae form.

Rowan didn't say anything but flew to the building next to her. He clicked his beak. You can climb well enough, let's see how you can jump.

Aelin moved to the ledge, looking down to the ground, if she didn't make it, she wouldn't die, but she'd probably be bruised all over.

She looked at Rowan, who was waiting patiently. “Will you nurse me back to health if I fall?” she asked, batting her eyelashes at her husband, who rolled his eyes.

“That better be a yes,” she said and moved back to take a running jump.

Gods, if she fell, she'd never get over the embarrassment.

Aelin ran and jumped—and just made it. She hit her chin hard enough that when she made it over the ledge of the building, she laid down and stared at the open night sky.

A flash of light brighter than the moon came and went, and then there was Rowan, taking her in.

“Fireheart,” he said, his voice deep and concerned. “Are you alright?”

“I'm fine,” Aelin said, her chin sore but she would live. She eyed her mate up and down, however, and said, “But I would still appreciate being nursed back to health—especially if you take your shirt off.”

Rowan rolled his eyes again, but obliged her, his shirt coming off in one easy movement that had her contemplate making a sixth baby.

“Where does it hurt, milady?” her king-consort asked, his rough fingers moving across her collarbone.

“Here,” she said, pointing to her chin, and soon she was better, especially as she chased Rowan around in his hawk form, easily jumping from roof to roof as the hours went by.

[centipedeinmystudy]

so sorry if this is, like, weird or uncomfortable to ask, but is there anything you particularly miss about your old life or camp? like people, places, things, even just who you were. i’m a little curious.

- jedidiah (your buddy)

Oh, lots! Also hi jeddie

This post got LONG. So shes getting cut off

Going in order, i MISS the other councilors. Specifically I was thinking earlier about rowan. He spent a lot of time in the nurses office, especially when he wasn't the only councilor in his cabin. When i wasn't busy, we got to talk. He often needed the conversation, and i liked to talk. He also visited me a few times outside of camp months. Also oddly, i miss Matthew. We didn't exactly talk? But he was a very friendly man, to me at least.

And i miss the campers!! I always missed everyone when summer ended. But i had the reassurance most people (campers and councilors alike) would return

This goes without mentioning, but i miss you. We talk everyday, But i do miss seeing you!! Which is such a massive understatement, i just don't want to get sad here. You know the long and short of it

Who do i not miss?? I do not miss elijiah volkov i miss everyone except elijiah volkov, mention of him sickens me. I even feel weird coming across the three elijiah kins that exist on this app (apologies to the elephant men community. It's not personal, i am ill)

In terms of places, obviously i miss camp. I miss my old room. And most of all, i miss the forest around the camp. I spent a significant amount of time in the forest, when possible. Unless the general area around the bonfire counts as a place. I miss the bonfire so bad. I can barely think well, my head is too fogged without it. And i like the experiences i had with the bonfire, it was always nice. And i miss going to camp! As a child, i mean. I remember being young and pretending to be animals with the other kids. I was almost always some form of fox, if i didn't have some random animal i knew no one else would be, like a mole or a boar. i ended up cringing myself out of it at about 11,naturally. But by 16 i regretted how early i stopped it. I loved camp!! I miss camp!!

In terms of Things and Other. I miss the bonfire, obviously. Oddly, i miss the constant sound of clocks. The thin windows that always allowed the sound of crickets and frogs in at night. And most of all, i miss the sky!! A blue sky feels so wrong, it feels fake. It's pretty and all, but the sky used to elicit many more emotions than joy and indifference. Sorrow, nausea, love, loss, disease, anger, and joy as well I suppose. In terms of other things? I miss having top surgery! I miss the way i dressed, having the freedom to do so. This might be weird but i also just miss being past the point of escape? I don't want this post to get depressing, so in short. The house I've been put in now is nearly no different to the house i grew up in for those first 16 years. And there's always the fear i wont get out this time, or just that ill end up just as badly sick again! That's it on that tho

But yeah i miss my friends and I'm far too afraid to speak to any sourcemates honestly. Yikes! Uh oh. Bye guys !!

[golden-kingdom]

Favorite Crime - Chapter 3

Word count: 3.8k

Warnings: Violence

Author’s note: I'm starting school again tomorrow so the next update might take a while. We'll see how it goes. I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Masterlist

Read it on AO3

When Rowan woke up, the first thing he noticed was the thrumming of his head. He tried to clear his brain and recall what happened, but all he could remember was a sharp pain in his neck and a dark silhouette behind him. Then nothing. He opened his eyes slowly, taking in his surroundings. He was in an abandoned building, the place empty and illuminated only by the moon. He tried to get up from the chair he was sitting on, but he realized his feet and hands had been tied up. He pulled on the rope wrapped tightly around his hands, trying to free himself, but it didn’t budge. He needed to get out of here as soon as possible.

He heard light footsteps coming his way and a person dressed in black from head to toe stopped in front of him. The light of the moon lit up their hidden face. They were wearing a hood and he could only make out amused turquoise eyes. Rowan tried to set himself free, using all his strength, and a feminine laugh echoed off the walls.

“Well, there’s no need to leave so fast, agent Whitethorn. You just arrived.”

That voice. He had heard it before, but he couldn’t figure out when.

“This isn’t how I imagined our first meeting would go. I’m usually more into candlelit dinners, you know. But I guess this will have to do. I hope you’re into bondage.”

“Who are you? What do you want?” Rowan asked, tired of playing this game.

“How rude of me, I didn’t even introduce myself. Celaena Sardothien, pleased to finally meet you.”

“Sardothien” he said, gritting his teeth.

“Don’t worry, I won’t hurt you. I just wanted to have a little one-on-one chat,” she reassured him.

“If you really wanted to see me, you could’ve just come to my office. No need for all the theatrics,” he replied dryly.

“Ah, but see, that’s the thing. I didn’t want your colleagues interrupting us. And this is much more fun.”

He couldn’t see her mouth, but he knew she was smiling.

“What did you do to Cortland?” he asked her, hoping to get something out of her.

“Ah Sam. Poor Sam, he really was a good kid. I liked him,” she said as if she cared about anyone other than herself. “It’s a pity he couldn’t keep his mouth shut. He was becoming dangerous.”

“Is he dead? Did you kill him?” he pressed on.

“Is Sam dead? Good question. I don’t seem to remember,” Celaena said, pondering the question like if it was a riddle.

“But don’t worry, agent Whitethorn,” she added after a few seconds. “If he’s dead, he didn’t suffer. I’m not cruel.”

Rowan trashed in his chair, livid, which only amused her.

“You’re a sadistic psychopath who only cares about herself,” he spewed out, clenching his jaw.

“Is that really what you think of me? I’m wounded, agent Whitethorn,” Celaena replied, fake offended. 

“What about Lillian? Did you hurt her too?” he inquired.

“Who?” Celaena asked, feigning confusion.

“The nurse who was with Cortland at the hospital when he disappeared.”

“I have no idea who you are talking about,” she insisted. 

“I swear if you hurt her, I will kill you,” Rowan spit out in a threatening voice.

Celaena looked at him, her eyes glinting, as if she knew something he didn’t. It infuriated him. Damn her, she knew how to get under his skin.

“It looks like you care about her... Do you have a crush on the pretty nurse, agent Whitethorn?” Celaena said with what he could only imagine was a wicked smile.

Rowan tried not to react to her taunts. He didn’t want to give her this pleasure. But anger was brewing inside of him.

Celaena stepped forward slowly, never breaking eye contact, and got close to him. When he inhaled, he was hit with the smell of jasmine and lemon verbena. 

“Tell me, agent Whitethorn. When you are alone in bed at night, do you think of her? Or do you think of me?” she whispered in his ear.

Rowan spat at her, and she laughed loudly.

“You’re crazy,” he exclaimed.

She moved back, clicking her tongue.

“I’m afraid our time together is running out. Your friends from the FBI will be here soon,” she said. “Don’t worry, we’ll see each other soon enough.”

She blew him a kiss and disappeared into the dark of the night.

After a few minutes of silence, Rowan started to doubt she had actually warned his colleagues he was here. He was trying to figure out a way to free himself when Lorcan and Fenrys finally arrived, guns ready to fire.

“Whitethorn! Are you okay?” Lorcan exclaimed when he spotted him, dropping his weapon.

“Yeah,” he replied. “I’m not hurt.”

His boss ran to him and cut the ropes that were holding his hands and feet, setting him free. Rowan rolled his wrists, trying to get the blood flowing again.

“It was her,” Rowan told them, looking up at his friends.

“Her who?” Fenrys asked, perplexed.

“Sardothien,” he clarified. “She drugged me and brought me here.”

“What did she want?” Lorcan enquired, always straight to the point.

“To talk,” Rowan replied.

“She wanted to talk?” Fenrys said, disbelief on his face. “What did she say?”

“She killed Cortland,” Rowan said, his anger quickly resurfacing.

“Is that what she said?” Lorcan questioned him.

“Not exactly, but she alluded to it,” Rowan answered.

The dark-haired man looked at Rowan with uncertainty in his eyes. He turned to look at Fenrys, who appeared unsure as well.

“I know it’s her. She’s crazy,” Rowan said adamantly.

“We worry about you, Whitethorn,” Fenrys said in a soft voice. “You seem fixated on Sardothien. There are many criminals in this city who wanted to see Cortland gone. She’s not behind everything that happens.”

“I-,” Rowan started, but Lorcan cut him off.

“Maybe it would be good for you to take a few days off. Get some rest, come back with a bigger picture of this.”

“Are you kidding me, Lorcan!? She just kidnapped me, and you want me to take a break? I don’t need rest, I need her behind bars,” Rowan exclaimed, baffled by his colleagues’ behavior. “You need me on this investigation. I’m the one who knows her best.”

“Alright, but I’m in charge of this investigation. You do what I say,” Lorcan replied firmly. “And tonight, I want you to go home and sleep. We’ll see each other tomorrow.”

Rowan opened his mouth to protest, but the look in Lorcan’s eyes kept him quiet. He simply nodded.

…

Rowan was pissed off. Really pissed off. He couldn’t believe Lorcan and Fenrys’ reactions. He gets drugged and kidnapped by the female assassin and he’s the one who’s fixated on her? His colleagues didn’t get the urgency of the situation. This woman was dangerous and insane. He tossed and turned in bed, too furious to sleep. He kept replaying the night in his head, looking for something he might have missed. Any clue that would lead him to Sardothien. When he finally fell asleep, exhausted, he dreamt of gleaming turquoise eyes and of jasmine and lemon verbena perfume.

…

The next morning, while she was eating breakfast on the couch and reading a novel, Celaena received a text. She ignored it, wanting to finish her chapter first. She was getting to the good part. But she had a gut feeling she wouldn’t like what the text said anyway. When she was finished reading, she put her book down on the coffee table and finally picked up her phone.

Boss wants to see you

She put her face in her hands, deeply breathing out. She knew she was in trouble. She went against Arobynn’s orders last night and he must have learned. She should have known; he had eyes everywhere. She shuddered at the thought of facing him. She threw her half-eaten bagel in the trash. She wasn’t hungry anymore.

Celaena took her time taking a hot shower and getting ready. Anything to postpone the inevitable confrontation that was waiting for her. When she couldn’t delay the inevitable anymore, she headed to The Guild’s manor.

It was large building, sitting on even larger grounds. The manor was located where you would least expect a criminal society’s headquarters would be: in the middle of a quaint and peaceful neighborhood of Rifthold. She knew the place like the back of her hand. She had lived there from the moment Arobynn had recruited her when she was 10 until the moment she turned 21 four years ago. She still had her room there and used it to store weapons. But she had moved out as soon as she was allowed to. She didn’t like this house and, even though she had spent more than ten years living there, she had never felt at home. It probably had more to do with the people living there than the building itself, but even the sight of it made her feel uneasy.

She was let through the gates by a security guard and made her way to the manor. The place was high-security and there were guards everywhere patrolling every inch of the grounds. Inside the building, there were cameras in every corridor and in the main rooms. She let herself in, simply nodding her head when she met someone she knew, and walked to Arobynn’s office. She took a deep breath, composing herself, before knocking on the door. It only took a few seconds for a voice to tell her to come in. She opened the heavy door and closed it behind her. Arobynn was standing by the window, looking outside.

“Sit,” he told her without looking at her.

Celaena obliged and took a seat in front of his desk. Arobynn was silent. She knew it was a bad sign. He finally looked her way.

“I’m disappointed, Celaena. Very disappointed,” he said, though his face didn’t show any emotion.

“I directly ordered you to stay away from Whitethorn,” he continued. “And what do my sources come and tell me? Whitethorn was kidnapped during the night.”

Celaena didn’t dare look away, even as his gaze darkened.

“I know it was you. You’re the only person foolish enough to do that,” he drawled out.

Arobynn stepped away from the window and walked until he was close to Celaena. He grabbed her roughly by the chin. Celaena tried not to recoil at the contact.

“You know I hold higher expectations for you. As my heir apparent, you must lead by example. You cannot do whatever you want and act recklessly like you did last night,” he told her. “But you already know all of this.”

Celaena didn’t say anything. She knew he didn’t expect an answer. 

“You know what happens when you disobey me,” he said.

She didn’t flinch as his hand hit her cheek loudly. Again, his hand came down on her face, even harder than the first time. Tears were threatening to spill from her eyes, but she didn’t want him to see her cry.

He grabbed her by a fistful of hair and forced her to stand up. 

“You know I hate to do this, Celaena, but you need to learn,” he said.

This time it was his fist that hit her in the face. He pushed her violently, her head hitting the wall with a loud thump.

“Look at me when I’m talking to you,” he exclaimed, bringing her head up by her hair.

Celaena looked at him with daggers in her eyes. She tried to get free from his strong grip, but he put his hand around her throat and squeezed. His gray eyes were full of rage.

After a few seconds, just when she was about to pass out from the lack of oxygen, he let go of her neck. She fell to the ground, gasping for air.

Arobynn walked away and went to sit behind his desk. Celaena was curled on the floor, holding herself.

“I also heard that Sam Cortland disappeared from the hospital after talking with the FBI. I’m hoping it was your work and we didn’t just lose him. Should I send someone after him?” he asked, his voice neutral as if nothing had happened.

Celaena cleared her sore throat, she could still feel Arobynn’s strong hands around it.

“No need. I took care of it,” she rasped out.

“Good. Did anybody see your face?” he inquired.

She thought about Whitethorn. She shook her head.

“Just a security guard. I don’t think he’ll talk. I can pay him a visit if you want,” she said.

“I’m not into taking chances. And I want you to stay away from this. He will be handled.”

Celaena knew what that meant, and guilt ate her up. She saved Sam, but an innocent man would die because of it. She should have come up with a better plan.

“Go. And don’t ever disobey me again,” Arobynn finally said.

Using all the strength and dignity she had left, she pushed herself on her feet and wobbled outside the room.

…

“Lochan, we need you to analyze this video footage and tell us if there’s a way to fix how it’s been tempered with. It’s urgent,” said Lorcan, handling a USB key to the small woman who was sitting at her desk.

Lorcan had requested the camera footage from the hospital and, as Rowan had expected it, the footage of Sam Cortland vanishing had been deleted. The only thing of interest they had noticed were two people leaving the hospital around the time of Cortland’s disappearance, one who looked like the young man, wearing a security guard jacket, and one with their face hidden by a hood. It was hard to tell in those few seconds of footage if Cortland was being forced or walked out of the hospital of his own free will.

“Good morning to you too, agent Salvaterre. I’ll do it but it’s not my priority. Maybe you could ask more nicely next time if you want me to put it first on the list of things I have to do,” Elide replied dryly.

Elide Lochan was an IT specialist who had worked with them at the FBI headquarters in Rifthold for the last three months. Despite her small size, the brunette was one of the only ones who dared stand up to Lorcan. She was a fierce young woman and a genius in her field. Rowan liked her. And he knew that even though Lorcan acted like a grouchy bastard around her and complained about her behavior, he liked her a lot. Rowan even had a bet going on with Fenrys on when they would finally get together.

“As I said, it’s urgent. It concerns someone’s disappearance and possible murder. Would you please do it as soon as possible, Miss Lochan?” said Lorcan with his best amiable voice.

Rowan suppressed a laugh. Lorcan never said “please” to anyone, his employees not the least. Elide already had him wrapped around her finger.

“I’ll do what I can,” she simply replied, taking the USB key and going back to work, typing away on her computer.

Knowing this was the best he would get out of this, Lorcan turned toward Rowan. He led him away from the IT specialist where no one could hear them.

“We can’t find the security guard who was watching Cortland’s room yesterday,” he whispered.

“Whoever took Sam probably got rid of him too,” replied Rowan, defeat in his voice.

“And now we don’t have any eyewitness or camera footage,” Lorcan said irately.

“What about the nurse I told you about?” Rowan asked him.

“What about her?”

“Maybe she saw something. If she’s still alive. We should have put protection on her and the security guard yesterday,” Rowan said, angry at his boss and at himself.

Lorcan didn’t say anything, but Rowan knew he was beating himself up for that mistake. Not that he would ever admit he made a mistake.

“Alright, get a warrant for her address and go see her,” Lorcan relented.

…

Celaena had finished her book thirty minutes ago. She was sitting on her sofa, contemplating what to do. She was bored and her body still hurt from her altercation with her boss. She had never hated someone as much as she hated Arobynn Hamel. But it’s not like she could leave. This wasn’t the kind of job you could quit alive.

She thought back to the moment Arobynn had recruited her. Well, recruited was probably the wrong word. She didn’t have much choice in the matter. Her parents had just been killed and she was young and scared. She didn’t have any place to go. She couldn’t go back home; she didn’t know if she could trust anyone back there.

She had been wandering the streets for days when she bumped into an auburn-haired man in his thirties. He looked important, wearing a nice suit and walking with assurance. She had apologized and walked away, but he had called after her. He had asked her what she was doing alone in the streets and offered her a warm meal. She knew she couldn’t trust anyone, never mind a stranger on the street, but when he had offered her a place to stay and hide, she couldn’t refuse. She had nowhere to go. And the man didn’t look like one of those creeps she had been warned about by her parents.

For the first few years, he was kind to her. He got her a private tutor so she could continue studying. He let her take any lesson she wanted: ballet, piano, languages… She loved to learn and was a good student. She had her own room which she had been able to decorate to her taste. Anything she wanted, she got. Except if it involved leaving the manor. That was always a no. He was worried for her safety, he had said.

When she had turned 14, he started being stricter. He had her take all kind of martial arts classes, brought her to the shooting range to show her how to shoot and even had her learn fencing. She had to spend long gruelling hours training and, when he wasn’t satisfied, he yelled at her. But he didn’t hit her. Not yet.

At 16, she was killing her first target. She had emptied her stomach in the toilet for hours afterward. But with time, it got easier. She was good at it and Arobynn was proud of her. Except when she made mistakes. That’s when the blows had started. And if she tried to defend herself, or even worse, fight back, he just hit harder, until she couldn’t anymore.

But he wanted to make her his heir, he had big aspirations for her, so she took every hit and kick and kept quiet. She had no other choice anyway. This was her life now. At least, she had Lysandra. They had met when they were teenagers and hated each other at first. They were always in competition and Arobynn encouraged their rivalry. But while Celaena became an assassin, beautiful Lysandra had become a con-artist and a thief. At some point, they realized they were both in the same boat and it would be nice to have someone to talk to. They had become fast friends after that.

She shook away the memories. She needed to do something, or she would die of boredom on this couch. Her body was still aching, but she changed and headed outside. She got into her car and instinctively, she drove downtown. She passed the FBI headquarters. She absentmindedly wondered what Whitethorn was doing today. Probably still on Sam’s case, trying to track the young man. She had just decided to drive away, knowing it was a bad idea, when she spotted silver hair on the sidewalk. She hid and observed as Whitethorn got into his gray sedan. Maybe today could be fun.

…

Rowan had finally obtained Lillian’s address. He hoped it wasn’t too late. He got out of his car and walked up the stairs to an average apartment located close to Rifthold’s Hospital. He knocked on the door and waited. A middle-aged woman opened up, her graying brown hair tied back. Rowan quickly checked the address, wondering if he had knocked at the wrong place, but no, this was it. He gave the woman a small smile.

“I’m here to see Lillian,” he said, looking inside the house and hoping to spot golden blonde hair.

“I’m Lillian. What can I help you with?” she replied, eyeing him curiously.

Rowan took a step back, surprised.

“What?” he mumbled, confused. He quickly clarified, “No, I mean Lillian Gordaina. She’s a nurse at Rifthold’s Hospital. Does she still live here?”

The woman looked at him, just as confused.

“I’m Lillian Gordaina and I work as a nurse at the hospital. You’ve got the right person,” she said.

This didn’t make any sense. This woman was definitely not his Lillian.

“There’s got to be some mistake. You’re not the person I’m looking for,” he explained, perplexed.

“Well, if that’s the case, I’ll go back to cooking my dinner. Goodbye.”

Rowan stopped her before she closed the door.

“Wait,” he exclaimed.

The woman looked frightened, so he said, “I work for the FBI.” He showed her his badge and she opened up the door fully.

“I’m looking for a woman in her twenties. White skin, long blonde hair, around 5’8”. She works as a nurse on the third floor too. Does it ring any bell?” he asked her.

“No,” she replied, at a loss. “I’m sorry but my dinner will burn if I don’t go back now. I hope you find her. Have a good day.”

She closed the door in Rowan’s face. He stayed there, looking at the closed door, stunned. What had just happened?

He got back down the stairs, walking to his car and getting inside. His mind was running wild, trying to make sense of the situation. Lillian Gordaina was a woman in her late forties who looked nothing like the woman he had met. Had the nurse given him a false name? But Mrs. Gordaina said she didn’t know any nurse who looked like her. Who was the blonde woman then? Why would she steal someone’s name and pretend to be a nurse at the hospital? And he had seen her at a bar too. It wasn’t the first time he had met her. He scoured his brain, thinking back on his interactions with her.

He suddenly sat up straight in his seat, dumbfounded. No, this couldn’t be it. He would have known, would have noticed something. But the more he thought about it, the more it made sense and things seemed to click together. He hit his head on the steering wheel, cursing.

Lillian was Celaena Sardothien. 

...

Tag list:

@backtobl4ck

@rowanaelinn

@morganofthewildfire

@leiawritesstories

@fireheart-violet

@autumnbabylon

@swankii-art-teacher

@violet-mermaid7

@goldryngalathynius

@ladyofterrasen

@shyvioletcat

@icecream52

@athena127

@mis-lil-red

@omoshiroi2u

[sarahjswift]

Twin Wounds Chapter 7

Don't hate me!! I know it's been a while since Twin Wounds have been updated but I was kind of at a loss for what to write. Then I started my new fanfic and I got inspo for this one lol

Warnings: Language, Verbal Abuse/Manipulation, Mentions of Eating Disorders

Word Count: 1.3k

Tag List <3: @backtobl4ck, @aelinchocolatelover, @blue-bird17, @renxzs, and new member *drumroll*...@autumnbabylon! tysm <3

Okay, I hope you enjoy this episode! IWHAIWSA update coming soon :D

__

Three weeks after Aelin arrived at the Center, Rowan had only just seen her eat more than a small portion of food. 

He watched her eat - slowly but surely - a tray of mashed potatoes and fried chicken. Honestly, it looked pretty terrible, but he was just happy to see her eating. 

“This is amazing,” Eillia breathed beside him. As the nurse mainly stationed to Aelin, she’d voiced her concerns on Aelin’s food intake over these few weeks. After scheduling Aelin for some physical activities, she was finally hungry enough to eat. 

“You were right. Thank you, Rowan.” Eillia’s eyes were wet as she turned to the therapist, squeezing his arm. Rowan’s calculations had been correct - Aelin wasn’t trying to starve herself, she just didn’t have an appetite. After enough physical strain, she would finally regain that. 

“But - how did you know this wasn’t a case of an ED?” the nurse asked, frowning. 

Rowan looked at the beautiful woman sipping from a milk carton and smiled slightly. “I once felt that way.” 

___

“I cannot believe you,” Aelin grumbled into the phone. Her cousin’s laugh sounded through the receiver, and she glared at the wall.

Aedion still hadn’t picked her up, no matter that he’d said two weeks here and she’d be done. His feeble excuse, made a week ago, still rang in her mind - “I’m sorry, Ae. I just…you sound so much better. A few more weeks? Please?”

“Chill, cousin.” Aelin couldn’t help but smile faintly at the sound of laughter in her cousin’s voice. She hadn’t heard that - at least around her - in a year. “I’m coming to visit tomorrow.”

Aelin almost dropped the phone. “What?? You are?” 

“Yeah, I figured I’d drop by.”

Her joy over her cousin coming was quickly replaced with anger. “What, so you could’ve come to visit me this whole time and you just decided not to? What the fuck??”

Aedion gave a long-suffering sigh that made Aelin grind her teeth. “Yes, I could’ve, but I wanted you to adjust - give you time to make some friends.”

“I’m not your fucking kid, Aedion. I don’t need your help making friends!” 

“Well, it’s also a long drive away from my house!”

“Ah yes, one long suffering hour away from your fucking mansion. I guess one hour is too far to see your cousin who is fucking stuck in a rehab center!”

“Alright, cool it on the cursing.” Aelin snorted - he was one to talk. “I’m sorry. It was shitty. But I’m excited to see you?”

The nervousness of the last sentence made her heart soften - ever so slightly - and she loosed a breath and leaned against the wall. “Yeah, okay. That’ll be nice. And by the way…I have made some friends.” 

“Oh? Who?”

“Well, I go everywhere with my therapy group - like we go to lunch together, yoga, outside and shit. So it’s kind of hard to not..make friends. I’m closest to these two women, Lysandra and Elide. Selmer and Luca are both nice but they mostly hang out with Tiela, who…kind of hates me.”

“Why - do I even want to know?”

“Shut up, asshat.” Aedion laughed, and Aelin smiled too. Time to give her cousin all of the pretty little details. 

___

“How are things with Remelle?” 

Rowan shot his friend a look. Lorcan was deadlifting 500 pounds, and he gave a dark grin, his face red from exertion. 

“Fine,” Rowan gritted out. He was rowing 3,000 meters on the rowing machine, an exhausting workout. 

“Who is Remelle?” Fenrys gasped with delight. He had finished his workout and was stretching in the corner. The three men were in their usual spot at their gym that everyone knew was theirs. Even the strongest clients didn’t use their claimed spots. 

“This bitch Rowan’s sleeping with,” Lorcan informed him, doing another set of lifting. 

Rowan paused his rowing and glared at him. “That’s such a terrible thing to say, first of all. Don’t say bitch when describing a woman, please.” 

“Yeah, that’s lame, man,” Fenrys echoed, frowning. Lorcan shrugged, keeping his eyes over their heads. “Rowan, you give me the details.” 

Rowan sighed and glanced at his meter: 2,834 miles. That would have to do. He walked over to a bench, legs trembling, and collapsed. After gulping down some water, he began to fill Fenrys in. 

After he was done, Fenrys looked disturbed, not delighted like he usually was. “Rowan, my dude,” he began. “This girl sounds..not great.”

“Ah-ha! That’s what I said!” Lorcan near-shouted, grinning. He had finished his workout and was currently unloading the weights from his bar. 

Rowan pinched the bridge of his nose. Lorcan he didn’t care about, but Fenrys? The man knew how a woman’s mind worked, a skill Rowan wished he acquired himself. “Is she really that bad?” he asked weakly, hating the babish pain in his voice. 

His friends must have heard it too, as their faces softened and they sat on either side of him. “Look,” Fenrys began, then hesitated. “I know you’ve only had short flings since..”

Rowan felt his stomach empty out and a small ringing sound began screaming in his ear. He could feel his hands tremble and he squeezed them together, trying to focus on Fenrys’ words.

“...since, you know. And that’s totally fine - they were harmless. But this? This doesn’t feel good for you, for your health and your wallet.” 

Rowan looked at his friends and nodded slowly. “All right. I’ll break it off.” 

___

Me: Hey, can we talk?

Remelle: my shift isn’t over for 3 hrs can u just text? 

Me: I can wait

Me: That sounded weird I’m not going to kill you it’s just important

Remelle: k c u there babes. Kisses

Me: Uh, kisses

Remelle: old man lmao

___

It was eleven at night, and Rowan was pacing in a deserted parking lot. Not the way he wanted to spend the night, but oh well. 

He loosed a sigh of relief as he spotted Remelle strutting toward him, in her usual outfit. She giggled when she saw him, skipping up to him and pressing a kiss to his lips. “Hi muscles,” she said sweetly, batting her lashes. “What brings you here this fine evening?”

Rowan attempted a smile - but from Remelle’s expression, it was probably more of a grimace. “I wanted to talk.” 

She rolled her eyes. “Well, obvi. What’s up?”

Rowan hesitated. He fucking hated this part. “I..I don’t think this is working.”

Remelle sucked in a sharp breath and took a step back from him. He didn’t dare look up to see her expression, and he squeezed his eyes shut as he hastily continued. “I-I really do like you but I don’t think this relationship is healthy for either of us-”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Remelle interrupted. “Relationship?” She let out a laugh. “Oh my Gods, who told you that we’re in a relationship? This was nothing more than release for me.” 

Rowan felt mortification burn through him. “Yeah, yeah, I’m sorry. I just, I don’t think me giving you money is appropriate-”

“Oh my fucking Gods!” Remelle’s voice was shrill. “I’m a student! You’ve got a ton of money - honestly, that’s really shitty of you to say that. You think because you’ve given me money you own me?” 

Rowan coughed, his face burning, and he started as Remelle grabbed his face and forced him to meet her gaze. Her face was twisted with hate, and he felt his chest grow tight as her grip on his face tightened to the point of pain. “You,” she snarled, drawing her nails down his cheeks, “are such a piece of shit.”

“I-I know…I’m so sorry.” He felt nothing but shame now, shame and misery and she held him in a chokehold. At his words, she released him and he wheeled back. 

“It’s okay, Muscles. I forgive you,” she said sweetly, the beauty returning to her face. He felt relief at her words; She forgave me. It’s okay, she’s not mad anymore. 

Remelle hugged him, kissing him deeply. “C’mon. Let’s go find your car.” 

[lucreziasredwyne]

who: @tiriusrowan where: the lady of the arbor requests an audience with the hand of the king regarding recent developments within the reach, most notably to convey her concerns with rising factions and...multiple other things.

six weeks had gone by in what felt like a blur, and perhaps the reason for that was because they had been a mere blur: more than a blur. rather a whirlwind, in which life itself seemed to turn upside down and the centre of the universe itself had become refocused. and yet, with that refocusing came the uprooting of what it was to become a mother: all the things one once considered important no longer held nearly as much value, and some other matters held more value than ever before.

there was no denying the exhaustion her body seemed to constantly feel at all hours of the day, the way her body had sacrificed so much for her first child; and birth itself was only the beginning.

it was customary she was to remain nursing within the privacy of her own state apartments, since the journey from brightwater had indeed caused her enough exhaustion to sleep through most of the ride, whether it be night or day. sleeping or feeding, seemed to be what her day consisted of: there were moments where she felt more like a human than a cow. in the end, she had wished to venture to highgarden to be closer to her aunties, lady simonetta hightower and lady aiyla rowan during the time of recover. and lentis. how much lentil soup and overall meat her ladies made her eat.

and she was content with taking the time to recover and continuing to allow politics and court to do as it always did; only, the reports from her husband only further unsettled her. she felt a sense of anxiety in the bottom of her stomach thinking about what she would return to. the last time there had been emerging factions within the most powerful of courts, there had been civil war.

and they had already survived one. her page seemed surprised when she extended a request to meet with the hand, and when it was returned with agreeing only if it were held within her own apartments, lucrezia found herself agreeing. when tirius rowan entered the room, she quietly thought how he seemed more at ease and fitting in his role, and whilst she did not entirely raise from the chair in which she sat, she leaned forwards to place kisses on each side of his cheeks as was expected as per their tradition and culture.

"as-salamu alaykum." she greeted him, looking up at him for a moment, unable to avoid a slightly shy smile crossing over her features. it were as though seeing an older brother again; and now she was a mother. avoiding the slightly rose tint coming to her cheeks, she cleared her throat, allowing the ladies in waiting to offer him food and drinks as per his wishes; she had ensured his usuals were available for selection. "thank you for coming to see me. you are very much aware i would have come to your apartments." the bleeding had stopped, as had the aches that plagued her body; at least the majority of the most painful ones.

"arlo is sleeping...gods, they really do sleep so much, do they not?" she asked, her voice almost incredulous, happy to speak about it with someone she knew would understand. that pink tint remained on her cheeks however.

she moved to bring a pillow against her, her movements more careful than usual, though maintaining eye contact with him. she remained wrapped in a warm robe over her dress, as she found herself getting cold entirely too quickly. "i wanted to ask you something, and speak to you about something else after. something that has concerned me. but first, how is it house tarly have ended up in your disdain of all people?"

[foxys-fantasy-tales]

Made to taste?

Here's a bit about the WIP Made to Taste! Only a month or so before I enter a full read through and edit, then final edits. This doesn't take me near as long as drafting does, so the book should make its October 2023 release date!

Made to Taste (WIP)

Made this placeholder cover in Canva, may or may not be final cover

(critique of racial relations and capitalism, LGBTQIA+ Rep, monsters and mayhem, dark boy and maybe not sunshine but optimistic girl, meet cute, Terrible CEO villains, small business owning woman protag, magical races in modern day, first kiss, ferris wheels, cute confessions and fluffy moments mixed with helping one another during awful ordeals, they were roommates)

Status: Possible series in the works. Book one draft is complete and editing begins soon. Book two draft in progress as well.

Genres: Urban fantasy, Romance, Paranormal Audience: Adult, maybe YA Length: Not yet complete - Book One possible in 2023

When Lyra Morley accepted a rough and tumble new hire from her bar, she didn't think he would end up her new roommate in a week. Noel Akatash brings his own debts, and the people holding the accounts aren't to be trifled with. Magical home invasions aside, Lyra is more worried about her business serving the city nightlife any food she can handle all made to order.

Cooking with a halfbreed's sense of smell comes with its perks, and one of them is that she can hide her skills in the kitchen so no one is any wiser about her true nature. The night-only diner called Made to Taste is meant to be a haven for those the city would rather keep buried. Lyra, the pacifist and abstinent dhampir, would fight to keep it safe. Good thing Noel knows a thing or two about being scrappy.

Now that you know about the story, I'll choose to share an excerpt.

He was close enough he felt her shiver. He was going to make the IV upset, but he pulled out what was in his arm. His jacket was draped across Lyra before settling back in. "If that's not enough I'll get closer to you," he said bluntly. He shut up the alarm and settled. No one wanted to deal with the crazy demon that near caused a shootout in the hallway anyway.

"You did drive the doctors away, and likely the nurses too." So no new supplies until they had to. Noel had that partially covered. She watched him reach through the void at their mutual boredom and retrieve one of her romance novels from home and a thermos full of soup.

She slapped the spine of the book on his leg. "I thought you said the void didn't like you much? You still use it a lot, even with the effects."

"Just cause it doesn't like me doesn't mean I can't smack it around," he replied. “A little blood and headache is nothing." He wiped off red from his nose. “Though I won't use it to like, uh... fight the gods or anything. It's a very delicate balance."

He didn't get so much as a chuckle. A bookmark was taken from the middle and laid on the blanket between them as she continued her tale from their bookstore reading session. Her blood pressure and heartrate fell low again, enough so the machine started to complain.

As it beeped, it drew the demon's concern back to her. He looked up to see if anyone else was coming along. "Um. Lyra, I know books are relaxing, but fuck. Are you sure you're okay?" He glanced back at the monitor. It beeped once every few seconds it seemed. "That seems wrong," he said nervously, eyes locked to the small mountains that jumped up in too few motions.

She looked up. Oh no. "Uh, it's, it's fine, really. I um, usually run low."

He hummed at it. "There's almost definitely something wrong with your circulatory system then. I know you don't have insurance but Rowan's bankrolling this. We should really get you to see someone." 

"R-Right." She couldn't very well deny the virtue in that, if she hadn't tried it once before herself only to get stupefied looks and bills that took her years to pay down. Noel didn't know a lot about the norm for human vitals, not that it would actually help in her case. He couldn't know. No one could.

The hesitancy bothered him. "You don't have to if you don't want to. I'm your roommate not your keeper."

"I'd really rather not." The words rushed out much too fast, but she couldn't care. The relief was palpable. "I've tried before and it was nothing but bad." She nearly ended up a research participant.

The flare of her Fade was awful splinters of cold blue fear struck through the flickering yellow of her base. Yellow. It was always a color that meant happiness to his eyes. Whatever weird thing Roseanne did, he was still feeling some of the after effects, or maybe it was the morphine dripping through him. He saw what the nurse put in. They all wanted to make him docile. All it did was make him relaxed and vaguely affectionate. He wanted to say more for some reason. Instead he asked, "What happened? I told the docs that you were hesitant about doctors. I just kinda figured that from the fact that disabled people tend to be as a rule. Was there anything um, specific I guess? Anything I should be worried about or know?"

"Disabled? I'm not, well..." She closed her eyes to the blinding white of the room and tried to relax. "They told me the facts of what the tests said, but they couldn't tell me why after so many trips, so many needles, and so many hours just waiting. Then, they wanted to put me in studies for more of the same, all the while saying 'maybe' this will lead to something. Maybe we'll find some weird drug to help, but nothing ever truly did. I got tired after years of it. I just... I couldn't handle the disappointment anymore, the stares, the people annoyed, disbelieving, or overly intrigued by me."

"Yeah. There's a word for that," he chuckled. "Disabled. When you're sick and it won't get better, and no one seems to know why is a common bonus. Especially for Nightkin. Bastards... I guess I get it though. In my own case, you get a drop of demon blood and suddenly every witch in the tri-state area wants a piece," he sighed and shrugged. "Nothing your parents can say either about it?"

"N-No. I said I didn't have a good um... Mom died when I was five and I haven't talked to dad at all since I turned eighteen. He sort of kicked me out,” she said with a diminishing shrug. 

"Oh. Bitch," he scoffed before a light flicked in his brain. "Ah. That's why you took me in." He grinned.

"Huh? It's not a negligible reason I guess. I never thought of it that way. I just wanted to help out.” 

"Course you did. You've had a rough go of it and you wanna make sure no one else does. It's a remarkably fleeting quality in your species." He stared at the panels on the ceiling. He tried to reach his hand up to stretch, but it fell back to his side. The void still had him exhausted. "But not like we're much better. Kindness is universal, as is cruelty. I dunno. I hit my head really hard. I'm not speaking like I'm used to. I kind of feel....younger almost." Noel took a deep breath. Whether it was due to the presence around him or the meds still floating within, in either case he felt lighter. "Anyway. I'll be out of here first probably. I'll make sure the ship's ready for you."

A smile twitched onto her lips. Her species, right, whatever that was. In the end, she was alone in that too. Lyra rested her hand on his shoulder and squeezed. "I appreciate it, really. See? You give right back. Not a charity case at all. You're too stubborn to be."

He chuckled and nodded. "Damn straight. I have too much in me to just take. I have to give back. I'm immortal, powerful, and was at one point wealthy. When you have gifts it is your duty to share them, I say. Listen to me. Sounding all educated."

"You certainly sound less like the man who walked in bloody off the street and scowled at me for giving him extras on his fries for free,” she teased.

He scoffed and settled back in the bed, trying to muster up his fury, his rage, his indignant purpose. He found none of it. Instead there was only a soft feeling that he imagined to be yellow in him as well. Anger ignited in his breast again. How cruel it was to be able to see all the colors in the world except his own. Rage died as he looked back at her. "When you're not being a pain in my ass, you're surprisingly calming I guess. I've only known a few people like you before who have this effect on me. Rowan's one of 'em." He shifted his focus to the TV. "I've now decided you can't die." Lyra's chuckle cut over a kiss shared on screen. Music swelled, but she wasn't paying any attention. It did cut off the sound of the monitors enough that she felt normal for a moment. "I don't know if you're that powerful, but I appreciate not dying yet. Thank you for helping me." Her eyes were starting to droop again from all the medicine in her system. Drips from the IV were few and far between. They would be shooting her up with more soon, surely. As she slumped, her head ended up on his shoulder. "Take as good care of...Sheryl and...Rosie. The captain will be back on ship soon. I promise."

[italianexotiicbeauty]

' keep your eyes fixed on me. ' from rowan ( @purgastorys )

"OH SHIT, WE'RE TRAPPED!" PROMPTS // @purgastorys

“No,” He has to know that her response isn't caused by anything that he has done — that it's caused by overwhelming fear of not only being trapped but trapped with the only person who has legal rights to their little boy. And in the event that something happens to either of them? Mary hadn't named anyone to look after their boy. Not legally anyway, she presumed she'd be alive to look after him for a very long time. That there was no cause for either of them to have a will in place to name legal guardians of their son that they mutually agreed upon.

Theo would be an obvious choice, as would her own sister — Kelly. 

“ — I … I don't want to.” Under any other circumstances, sure she'd do exactly as he asked but she's panicked and opening her eyes would remind her of the darkness they found themselves in. Immediately her mind had already raced through the worst case scenarios, several times to be exact and every time she opened her eyes ? That's what she saw, keeping them closed somehow kept her from losing it all together. She's aware that as a trauma nurse — she meets people on one of the worst days of their lives ( because truthfully, people can have many of those ) but being rushed to a hospital to get their life saved wasn't a worst day in your life thought for her. No, a worst day in your life scenario always involved something that took her away from her son for too long. And it's normal that people in situations like this become irrational and choose to forego optimism about getting saved / seeing their loved ones again. “ — And I know that I should but every time I open them? All my mind does is replay all of the horrible scenarios of what could happen to us or will happen the longer we're trapped in here. I can't do that to myself, Rowan. I can't, we have a son that needs us both … k… keeping my eyes closed is safer than opening them.”

Granted, she at least felt a little more at ease knowing she was trapped with someone she trusted ( and still loved ). She was just very scared that neither of them … would make it out of here.

[tomtenadia]

Detours to You - 30

Hello..

Here we are...this is the next to last chapter.

MASTERLIST

“Our son, he is coming.”

Rowan hung up and set the car in motion. His heart raced. He was about to become a dad. A ray of light in a very dark day.

Due to a hefty section of the city centre being closed, the traffic was now hellish and progress slowly. His phone rang again and he activated it via the bluetooth command on his wheel “Ae?”

“Where are you?” She sounded better and he relaxed.

“Stuck in traffic but coming. How are you?”

“In a fuckload of pain, but our boy is fine.”

“How far along?”

“Doc says six centimetres, you still have time, chief.”

“I think I know a shortcut, I will see you soon. Love you.”

His job had him driving a lot around the city and with time he had learned a lot of shortcuts. And this one allowed him to arrive at the hospital in a shorter time than anticipated. 

At the hospital he bolted out of the car and ran for the maternity ward. At the reception the charge nurse gave him a glare and then he realised why. He was a mess, his face still dirty, same for his hands and neck. Of course they did not want him in such state in a place where there were newborns. He ran back to his car where he kept a change of uniform and then used one of the bathroom to get cleaned up and a bit more presentable. His hair was still darker then usual but he just placed his head under the sink and hoped for the best tying his hair in a man-bun.

Finally he got to Aelin’s room and saw her sitting on a yoga ball, with an IV attached her hand and Lys and Elide keeping her company.

“You are here.”

He kneeled and kissed her.

“You stink of smoke.”

Rowan let out a chuckle “I only had time to change in the hospital bathroom. This requires a shower.” He then turned to Elide “Lorcan is fine, but I would go home to him, this call was a lot for everyone.”

Elide looked at Aelin and she nodded “Go, I am fine, Rowan is here,” she turned to Lys “you too. Go home, relax. We will call you when you are an aunt.”

When they were alone, Rowan sat on the chair opposite to her and Aelin noticed the deep wariness in the lines on his face “we called my parents and your mum and Maya is with her.”

“How are you?” He caressed her face.

“This ball is amazing and it’s helping with some of the pain.”

Rowan moved at her back and started massaging the spot that he knew she loved. The sounds that left Aelin’s mouth were not for a public audience.

“Fireheart, they might think we are having sex.”

A grin spread on her face “an orgasm releases the happy hormone that might help my pain.”

Rowan’s ears turned red “Aelin I don’t think it’s appropriate.”

“Squeeze a boob? I know you love them.”

He sighed and kneeled behind her and his arm sneaked around her waist holding the belly. His mouth traced lazy circles on her neck and nibbled at her favourite spot behind the ear. She leaned back against him, then his hand travelled up and cupped a breast hiding under the hospital gown and Aelin moaned.

He then smacked a kiss on her neck and stood “I am starving, am I okay if I go downstairs and grab something? I have not eaten since this morning.”

Aelin stood and wore her gown “I am coming too.”

“Are you sure?”

“Walking is good.” She grabbed her IV and attached it to the carrier then grabbed his arm and slowly they walked down to the cafeteria.

Aelin snacked on some of his fries and inhaled the scent of coffee. She missed it.

By the time they got back to the room they were both exhausted. Rowan collapsed heavily on the chair and Aelin covered him with a blanket “rest a bit, you had a long day.”

“I can’t.”

“You will hear me screaming when it’s time, I am sure.”

But Rowan never managed to fall asleep. He brought the chair closer to the bed, grabbed her hand and placed it on his heart. He told her what happened, he felt bad at spoiling her day with such a sad story but he needed to unburden his soul. He needed her. 

It was in the middle of the night when she patted his hand nervously “Rowan…”

“What is it?”

“He is coming.”

He ran outside and called for the doctor who, after a few checks, confirmed that yes, Aelin was ten centimetres and ready to deliver. He followed to the delivery room and was given a set of scrubs to wear on his clothes and then stood at her side “I am here, fireheart.” He kissed her forehead while she screamed in pain.

The doctor moved in-between her legs and told her that the baby was already crowning.

“Chief, come and see your son.”

Rowan stared at Aelin and she nodded so he moved and gasped when he saw the head.

“I can see him, fireheart.”

Aelin pushed and pushed and Rowan watched his son slowly be born.

The doctor took the infant away and he walked back to an exhausted Aelin “you are amazing,” a kiss “Aelin that was…”

“Buzzard, are you crying?”

He shrugged “he is here.” 

She looked up at him and her heart melted at seeing him weep.

In the distance they heard the infant cry “that is a good sign.”

A moment later the nurse placed the bundle in Aelin’s arms and Rowan sat at her side “he’s beautiful.”

“And still a bit gross.” Aelin kissed the baby’s head “we do good babies, Whitethorn.”

“Wonder if he has your eyes.”

“I read it will take a while before it settles,” he added using the info he had read in all of his babies books.

“Maya was a shade of green already at birth and then it settled in you pine green.”

As if he heard them, their son opened his eyes and looked up “they are quite light. Hopefully they will be blue.”

Rowan kissed her head “anything, my love.”

“Do you want to go to your dad?” She passed him the baby and Rowan’s heart raced. He had missed all of that with Maya, but now he was going to be present in all the milestones of his son. Witnessing his first moments had been the experience of a lifetime.

“Hi you, I am your dad.”

Aelin stared at Rowan talking to their son and felt emotions well up at the image. Rowan was meant to be a dad.

He walked back and passed the child back “I am not supposed to take him away from you too long, skin on skin with the mother is important.”

Aelin took his hand “the father too.”

The nurse joined them a moment later, “have we settled on a name?

“Thomas,” said Rowan.

“Thomas, Alasdair Whitethorn-Galathynius.”added Aelin.

Rowan stared at her in disbelief.

“And I have the documents ready to change Maya’s surname legally to Whitethorn-Galathynius too.”

“I love you.” Was all that Rowan managed.

*

Once Aelin was back in her room, Rowan had started the round of calls and to fill his phone with his son’s pictures.

His mother with Maya and the Galathynius had been the first visitors. 

Maya stormed in the room claiming that she was a big sister and wanted to see her brother. Rowan removed her shoes and placed her on the bed “Maya, meet Thomas.”

“Thomas, meet your big sister Maya.”

The girl leaned forward and kissed the boy “mama he smells nice.”

“Do you want to hold him?” Maya looked at her father in surprise.

Rowan moved behind her “sit down properly on the bed,” he helped her and showed her how to bend her arms and then he passed her her brother, always keeping a hand nearby to hover.

His mum stared at the image in front of her and took pictures at the same time.

Rowan looked at her and he knew where her thoughts had gone, because he was thinking about the same thing. His father should have been there to witness that moment and all of a sudden the pain of his loss came back for a brief visit. But luckily his daughter’s squeals of happiness brought him back.

Rowan then took his son from his sister’s arms and walked to his mother “mum, please meet Thomas Alasdair.”

A sob escaped Eiddwen’s lips and took her grandson “hello, mo chridhe. I am your grandma and I will love you so very much.”

The Galathynius arrived later “sorry it took us so long, the traffic is a nightmare.”

And Rowan for a moment remembered why and darkness threatened to resurfaced but as he stared at his son and daughter he managed to push the pain away.

“It might be a while before it gets fixed.” He added flatly and Aelin grabbed his hand.

“Is this our grandson?”

“Nana have you seen my brother?”

Evalin and Rhoe moved to Aelin “oh he is gorgeous.” She took him from his mother hands and cooed at the baby “and what’s your name, my love?”

“Thomas Alasdair,” added Rowan proudly and Evalin stared at both of them “it’s perfect.”

“Have you told Lys and Elide?”

Rowan lifted his phone and showed the video of Lys dancing in the living room and celebrating being an aunt.

Aelin and Rowan enjoyed the celebrations until the nurse took their son away claiming that it was time for his nap. Maya protested saying that she wanted to stay with her brother but they had to explain her that he was very little and had to rest.

Eventually they left and Eiddwen took Maya with her.

Rowan remained behind and sat on Aelin’s bed and she caressed his face “you should go home too, you are tired.” His forehead leaned against hers “No, I am staying.”

“Ro, please, I need you fully rested. We have two kids now.”

He chuckled “Okay, but I am back tomorrow morning.”

“We will be waiting for you.”

Rowan kissed her deeply “I love you. You are my everything, Aelin. You and our two children.”

Aelin pulled him closer. She could feel his residual pain and it broke her heart than on such a joyous days he could not be fully happy “you make me happy too, chief.”

Rowan gave her a last kiss and stood.

“Drive safe, please.”

He nodded and left.

The drive home had taken a while. He had received a call from the commissioner explaining that during overhaul they had discovered water infiltrations that had weakened the structure in the long run and the vibrations of the rails had worsened the structure. It had been a disaster waiting to happen and now an investigation had been opened. 

Rowan finally got home. In the house he took in the unusual silence and it upset him. He was now so used to constantly hear the voices of his girls that the silence brought him back to a time when he was alone. Slowly, he climbed upstairs and got changed, then he dragged his tired body in Maya’s room and stared at it. The were some clothes abandoned on the bed so he placed away and then a chuckle left him when he spotted a skate peeking out from under the bed. Rowan grabbed her hockey kit and stored it away. He and Aelin had been trying hard to teach her to be tidy, but in that sense Maya was just as messy as her mum. With a smile on his face he finished clearing up and then he left, closing the door behind him. 

A few steps down the corridor and Rowan reached a new room waiting for them. He had finished it just a few weeks before. They had gone for a pastel green theme. The crib had a mobile hanging over it with fairy creatures attached to it. Maya had chosen it. He took out his phone and stared at some of the pictures of his son and his heart swelled with love. It had taken a while but he was finally on track to have the family he had dreamt and at his side the love of his life.

taglist

@rowaelinismyotp @swankii-art-teacher @whimsicallyreading @elentiyawhitethorn @aelin-bitch-queen @bruiseonthefaceofhumanity  @mis-lil-red @thegreyj @sailorsassley @leiawritesstories @clairec79 @morganofthewildfire @sv0430 @heartless--aromantic @autumnbabylon @rowanaelinn  @susumaus98  @gracie-rosee @mybloodrunsblue @tanvee1231 @avenrebekah @whoever-you-choose-to-love  @theywillnotsingforme @universallytreepost @black-daisy-water @goddess-aelin @whispers-in-the-darkest-heart @lovely-dove-zee @athena127 @mariaofdoranelle

[hislittleraincloud]

i know ur not ok, i wont ask if ur ok, but i hope ur ok :)

You're right though. Haven't been okay in a while.

Dunno what it could be, maybe it's that I've been dragging my feet with 8 because God, I hate this part of the story (not that my own chapter isn't already mostly written for its third part), or if it's the whole Junkie Cat Lady thing wearing me down (I had to drag in two pieces of her most characteristic furniture back into my cramped space: a mirror box end table and a leopard print Ottoman that the cats used to sleep on whenever I catsat them). Or, the fact that I've got nothing left besides my dogs and two are hella old and can just keel over at any given moment, given their age (17+). Yeah, my parents are still around but I think my mother's getting some sort of dementia (I can tell by talking to her), but that's what you get for neglecting the intellectual part of your brain in favor of being a nasty, narcissistic, manipulative cunt your whole life. Figures that would be her goddamn fate...to start to actually forget the shitty things she did to me when I was growing up.

Creatively, I've been writing other stupid crap aside from 8 and Jairo, things that could turn into mini-fic, but I dunno. Re: 8, it's like the more I watch this show, the more the glaring issues with the storyline (and this is barring ALL romantic shipping) POP out at me, nag the fuck out of me and just...ugh. I know, I've already fixed a couple of those throughout my published chapters (like Rowan's disappearing glasses), but looking at it from an objective standpoint, it's just...garbage storytelling with a lot of inconsistencies held together by the cute star of the show. Re: Jairo, I'm once again closer to publishing another Jairo than I am 8, but I just haven't had the energy.

I mentioned the other day that I had gotten new comments/praise for Under Virgin Circumstances over at AO3. And then last night, I had placed my phone into yanno, I had a story about something weird happening but I felt like I was rambling, so the short of that next thing was: Somehow, the Drive app that holds all of my Jairo documents was up and running on this phone even though I hadn't opened it in a couple of weeks.

I'm taking both of those as signs to go back to Benson for a little while. I'm not going to rush through something I care about just because of impatiences (not just the couple of fans it has, but my own...I get very impatient and frustrated with myself, it's disabling), but I really would like to publish something.

That's where I am, I guess. There, and also wanting to create more physical art. I could hardly afford it (finances have been strained ever since Cat Lady fiasco) but I got some cheap art supplies/paint and pencils for my birthday and have some ideas of what I'd like to be doing.

But I also got other needs and a brown furball that never leaves my side these days. I'm still really irritated when I think of that nurse's shitty joke...this little thing is my baby/kiddo. She acts like one. She chatters with me like a toddler when we're out on walks. (One time, she actually said what sounded like "Hello!" to some lady who said "Hi there, cutie!" on the lake and it creeped me out... I've never taught her to speak or anything. She has a weird voice...sounds like a monkey at times.) So, she's getting more of my time too, since I'm now lamenting that I didn't have enough time with her when she was tiny (the time went by SO FAST, she started growing out her limbs in barely two months 😭).

I guess I oughta keep on...keepin' on. I feel like Cairo keeps calling out to me, since all I've been seeing on my fyp has been HOD stuff, then all of a sudden there was that post I just reblogged on there. I should call her. 🫠

Anyway. Thanks for wonderin'. 💕✨

[casspurrjoybell-27]

Our Hearts Collide - Chapter 10 - Part 1

*Warning - Adult Content*

Vince

"Your son," I asked Arthur, as he drove over the dirt road.

"You've never met him then?"

Arthur's hands clenched the steering wheel tightly.

"Once, when he was an infant. Hardly a few months old."

"She never told you his name?"

He shook his head.

"I told her to decide."

"What would you do if you found him?"

"What is there to do? I don't expect much, I've never been a part of his life. To suddenly enter it at this point would probably anger him."

"But he's your son."

Arthur slowed the car.

"And I've never been a father to him. It would be too much to ask for a relationship or anything at this point."

As much as I wanted to argue, he had a point.

With that, Arthur drove a little faster, approaching the gates to the New Moon pack.

The pack Betas spared a curious glance at Arthur but ushered us inside once they saw me.

Arthur pulled into the parking lot abruptly, his tires screeching as he pulled into a stall.

Through the rear-view mirror, an angry-looking Aspen approached the car.

Arthur observed him as he stepped closer, a curious look passing between them as Aspen neared the passenger side door.

Arthur's gaze lingered for a second before staring out the front window, almost zoning out.

Aspen turned to point a finger at me.

"Where the hell have you been?" Aspen shrilled as he reared his head toward me.

"Do you know how worried people were?"

I glanced at him sheepishly, spotting Sarah and Rowan behind them.

Rowan was sound asleep in her arms as she bounced him.

"I know, alright. I'm here now."

He scoffed before looking between me and Arthur through the window.

"Who the hell is this?"

Arthur, who had remained still at the wheel, finally turned to address him. I cleared my throat.

"This is the Northern Pack's Beta, Arthur. I've been there this whole time."

Aspen narrowed his eyes at him before sighing.

"Sarah and I already visited her. Xavier's in there now. Go."

Letting out a shaky breath, I nodded.

As I unbuckled the seatbelt, I looked to Arthur, who hadn't moved since we got here.

"Aren't you coming? You said you knew her. You were close at one point, I thought."

He raised a brow.

"It's not my place. Go, your brother's waiting."

"But..."

He shook his head.

"I doubt she'd even remember me, Vince. Go."

I frowned but opened the door, thanking Arthur before heading to the pack hospital.

Aspen hadn't followed and Arthur hadn't driven off but I had to focus on more important things.

A few of the pack members saw me, a couple bowing their heads as if offering condolences.

It didn't make me feel better, instead, my feet went faster.

I needed to see her.

It was only a couple minutes of walking but it felt like a couple of minutes too long as I walked into the building, the nurses pointing toward her room, even though I knew exactly where it was.

Before I even turned down the hallway, I could hear Xavier's cries and I had to remember to breathe.

How long had he been here alone, was she already... I gulped, before taking laborious steps toward the door.

Even the breathing exercises Chase had taught me weren't helping as I slid the heavy door opened.

Xavier, who was seated beside the bed had jerked his head toward the door, a sob escaping him as he met my face.

He pushed the chair back as I stepped in, closing the door behind me.

I was grateful that the faint sound of the machines was still beeping.

She was alive, she was still here, I hadn't been too late.

I didn't dare look at her, knowing that what I'd see would break me.

Instead, I focused on Xavier, who scrambled over, wrapping his arms around me tightly in an embrace.

I thought seeing her in the bed would break me but his cries into my chest made me choke back a sob.

'Vince...' he tried to say more but the crying continued.

My hands shook but I placed them against his back and head, coddling him as he let out those painful wails.

"I'm here," I told him.

"I'm right here," my words probably couldn't be heard through his cries but I continued muttering it to him as the warm tears streamed down my face into his hair.

I sucked in a sharp breath before daring to look at our mother.

Her face was paler, the veins bulging from her skin like thin cords.

Her face was almost unrecognizable from her old photos, so sunken in that I didn't want to believe that it was her.

The tubes sticking out of her face and arm seemed like something straight out of a science fiction movie and I couldn't imagine how painful and awful that must've felt.

Even now, was she suffering?

'Where... where were you?' I could barely make out what Xavier saying.

"It doesn't matter," I said into his hair.

"I'm here now. I'm here."

I couldn't remember the last time we had hugged like this, genuinely clung to each other like we'd lose each other.

We stayed wrapped in our embrace until he sniffled loudly.

He looked up at me, his face completely blotched and soaked with tears.

Just as he had settled down, the machine near her bed made a continuous sound.

Whipping our head to the monitor, the flat line send a chill down my spine.

'No, no, no.' 

We stumbled to her bedside, as the loud sound echoed in the room. This couldn't be happening. 

"Please," I begged, squeezing her cold hand tightly in mine.

"Please don't go."